When Life poos and pees on you, and you adore it
anyway
Take a look at any puppy and what’s the first thing
that comes into your mind or from your lips?
“Awww”.
Yes, puppies are adorable. Yet they poo and pee
everywhere. They might even keep you up at night for the first few months. A
bit like a newborn child.
Still, we don’t get upset with them, we patiently
train them, accepting the tiny bloopers when they come as part of their
development.
Secrets of centenarians
Living to be 100 years of age is still a rare event.
Among many factors associated with longevity,
personality has been linked to health outcomes and longevity. Additionally,
several studies have suggested that centenarians also share particular
personality traits.
Centenarians have been reported to share personality
traits including low neuroticism and high extraversion and conscientiousness. A
study showed that two personality characteristics/domains, Positive Attitude
Towards Life (PATL: optimism, easygoing, laughter, and introversion/outgoing)
and Emotional Expression (EE: expressing emotions openly and not bottling up
emotions) are .
What would happen to us and the world, if we had the
same attitude as we do with a small puppy: Mistakes happen so we just clean up
and keep on learning?
We would be so much more resilient.
Factors in Resilience
A combination of
factors contributes to resilience. Many studies show that the primary factor in
resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the
family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer
encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience.
Several
additional factors are associated with resilience, including:
· The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to
carry them out.
· A positive view of yourself and confidence in your
strengths and abilities.
· Skills in communication and problem solving.
· The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.
·
All of these are
factors that people can develop in themselves.
10 ways to build resilience
Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends
or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about
you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being
active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups
provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in
their time of need also can benefit the helper.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable
problems. You can't change
the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you
interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how
future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you
might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
Accept that change is a part
of living. Certain goals
may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting
circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that
you can alter.
Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly
— even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move
toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask
yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me
move in the direction I want to go?"
Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take
decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses
and wishing they would just go away.
Look for opportunities for
self-discovery.
People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown
in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have
experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater
sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth,
a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
Nurture a positive view of
yourself. Developing
confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps
build resilience.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider
the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective.
Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good
things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than
worrying about what you fear.
Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage
in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care
of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations
that require resilience.
Additional ways of
strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest
thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their
life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and
restore hope.
The key is to
identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal
strategy for fostering resilience.
5 Steps to a Happy Life with
Positive Attitude
Step 1: Believe Happiness is
a Choice
People blame
misfortune on all kinds of outside forces –- fate, experiences, parents,
relationships –- but never really stop to think that they could choose
to be happy.
Yes, this isn’t
always easy, but it is always an option. When you find yourself in a bad
situation, know that it’s up to you to find the good, to be happy regardless of
what’s happening around you. You are in control of your happiness level and no
one can take that away from you.
Step 2: Rid Your Life of
Negativity
If you want to
live a positive, joyful and happy life, you cannot –- absolutely CANNOT -– be
surrounded by negative people who are not encouraging your happiness.
Stop doing
certain things that are causing negativity in my life. Take a step back and
examine which behaviors were good for you and which were not.
Learn to focus on
the positive things you are doing and let go of the negative ones. This process
is not easy and to be honest, it’s ongoing, but know this: having negativity in
your life prevents you from living a truly positive existence.
You don’t have to
be as radical as I am. I have no newspaper and I don’t watch the news. I have
no TV so I can pick what I expose myself to. I like the TED talks to inform and
motivate me. I read books on the latest research results in human development.
I meditate. Yet I’m not a hermit. I change what I can and refuse myself to
become fearful, although I’ve had a few bouts with fearfulness in the last
years.
Step 3: Look For the
Positive in Life
There is the
positive aspect in everything. In every person, in every situation, there is
something good. Most of the time it’s not all that obvious. We have to look.
And sometimes we have to look hard.
Everything –-
good and bad -– is a learning experience. So, at the very least, you can learn
from bad experiences. However, there’s usually even more to it than that. If
you really take the time to look, you will usually find something good,
something really positive, about every person or situation.
Lots of times,
what started out bad turns out to be a windfall in the end. Who woulda
thought???
Step 4: Reinforce Positivity in Yourself
Reinforce positive thoughts and behaviors in yourself so they stick. As
with any sort of training, practice makes perfect, and, yes, you can practice
being positive.
The best and easiest way to do this is to be positive when it comes to who
you are. Learn to appreciate yourself. Learn from mistakes but don’t dwell on
them. Think of the puppy – this is a poo-and-pee moment to clean up.
Be honest with yourself, but do your best to look for the good. And,
whatever you do, don’t focus on the
negative. Nothing good can come of telling yourself that your butt’s too big or
your latest career goal wasn’t met.
Remind yourself of the good in you. We all have positive attributes and
it’s up to you to remind yourself of them every day.
Step 5: Share Happiness with
Others
Not only do you
need to be positive with yourself for this new positive attitude to
really take effect, you also need to be positive with others. You have to share
your wealth of positivity with the world.
The best way I’ve
found to do this is quite simple and basic: be kind. Be nice
to other people, no matter what. Tell someone he or she looks nice today. Tell
someone they did a great job on that presentation. Tell your parents or
children (or both!) how much you love them and how great they are.
When someone is
feeling down, do what you can to cheer him or her up. Send flowers. Write
notes. Don’t gossip. Be kind to all living things. All of these things sound
basic enough, but, you’ll need to consciously think of them at first.
People appreciate
positivity and, even though you not going to become a preacher on the subject,
the more you are sharing it with others, the more you are practicing it and
reinforcing it in your own life.
