Perfect Self-Management in 52 Weeks: Stress-Less Holidays

Perfect Self-Management in 52 Weeks: Stress-Less Holidays

We are rolling into the holidays and before the flow turns into an avalanche, stop and prepare. From the pressures to spend, eat too much, or to arrange the ultimate celebration, the holidays can generate extreme stress. We often get caught up in unrealistic expectations for the holidays (encouraged by the media which stands to profit richly from all the "too much"!!)

Sure, the holiday season brings plenty of joy, but it can also be a bit crazy. A frenzied holiday schedule that's packed with parties, family gatherings, and last-minute shopping can easily become a recipe for stress that could be detrimental your health.

Furthermore, when we relentlessly push ourselves to check off tasks from our extensive “to-do” lists—we frequently end up with severe holiday exhaustion that prevents us from enjoying (or appreciating) the moment. Caught in the trap, we transform a holiday—a potentially enriching celebratory event—into an exhausting drama!

First of all,  ask yourself and your family, “what is our  INTENTION for”:

- Buying (or making) a gift for someone?

- Creating (or attending) a celebratory event?

- Decorating?

- Cooking and Baking?

- Wrapping gifts?

First, notice if your intentions include perfectionist tendencies or being overly concerned with, “What do other people expect”?  If you identify these stress-generating intentions, then remember that you can’t control what anyone else thinks. So, consider focusing your energies on what you can control. And what you and your Close Ones really want.

Next, shed light on and mesh with positive intentions. For example, when it comes to gift giving: “I’m buying a gift for my mother to express love and affection. I don’t need to compete with other family members by spending more than I can afford.”

And, when it comes to attending a celebratory event: “I’m going to my friend’s holiday party to connect with people I care about and to have fun”. If your intention for going is “because it is expected of me”, don’t go.

If you feel like you have to prepare a big bash for all friends, past and present, ask yourself why. Sometimes the reason is guilt or the obligation to pay back past invitations. Don’t. At least not now. If you can’t get over these crippling and stressful feelings, postpone the party until summer!

After clarifying your intentions toward various holiday activities (especially the ones that feel stressful), spend a few minutes jotting down your thoughts on paper.

Chances are you can't make every party, enjoy every holiday activity, or visit with every relative this holiday season, so decide what your priorities will be and graciously decline everything else. If something unexpected comes up, make time for it by eliminating another engagement in your agenda. Don’t add on!

Avoid last-minute scrambling by streamlining your holiday shopping and preparation. Plan ahead, create a budget, make a shopping list, and research your purchases in advance. Shop online when possible. DON’T WAIT TOO LONG TO START!  Prep and bake whatever you can for holiday meals in advance. Line up some helpers for gift-wrapping, meal contributions, party preparation, and especially clean-up. The magic word “DELEGATE” takes on new meaning.

If you need a break while shopping, decorating your home, or cooking, then listen to your body and momentarily hit the “pause button.” Then, head for a café (or your kitchen table), sit down, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. If you are home, consider taking a short nap. Resting, regrouping, and recharging leads to increased positive mind/body energy.

It's okay to say "No." The family has always depended on you to "manage" the holidays. There's an implicit expectation that you attend the company-sponsored holiday party. You feel an obligation to family and friends to play a part in holiday celebrations. There just may not be a good reason to do any of those things. Do yourself a favor and experience the relief of saying "No."

Research shows people gain an average of one to two pounds over the holidays.  There are some tricks for avoiding extra pounds and getting healthier at the same time.

1) Use cold weather for ice skating, snow walking, skiing, sledding.

2) Take your Daily-Walk-For-Life. It doesn’t need to take more than 10-15 minutes but should be taken in the fresh air. Could you walk around your building quickly? How about an energetic march around the block? Doesn’t somebody’s dog need a stroll?

3) Check if at least some of your recipes can be “downsized”. Do you have to use butter, tons of eggs and masses of sugar?

4) Eat your usual healthy meals, even on party days. That way, you’ll eat less of the “fat makers” and “heart killers” at the parties.

For some reason, most people want to put every idea into action at the busiest time of year. Magazines and TV shows live from this. What would happen if you just picked one special, fun thing, like baking cookies or sending greeting cards or making wreaths for friends or. . . ?

If you want the big day to be just you and the kids,  plan a get-together with extended family on another date over the holidays. (Germany has a „Second Day of Christmas“!) Tell them you appreciate it may be hard for them, but it’s important for your family to be on your own at this time.

I’ll never forget the first time my husband and I celebrated Christmas without his parents. It was a lovely, stressless, laid-back occasion. We picked an easy meal that still seemed festive (Raclette) and enjoyed being together in a relaxed way.

Day 1: Decorate simply and quickly by choosing one item (like ornaments in trifle bowls, different sized miniature trees, or bows) and using it in abundance. For soft lighting, just add candles. How about using tea lights along window sills or across a mantle. And finally, add easy ambiance with a soft, holiday recording or use nature’s soundtrack, like a crackling fire. Intricate, complicated decorations aren't necessarily more heart-warming.

Day 2: Prepare your “emergency kit”:

- When your stress levels soar, you need to stop thinking about the stressor and turn your thoughts to a pleasant, peaceful memory. Remember the best, most relaxing vacation you ever took, the sound of a gurgling stream, the feel of the wind on your face as you sailed the blue waters off Hawaii. Make the memory as vivid as possible and sink into it.

- Breathe. Start exhaling very slowly. When you are stressed, you take shallow gasps instead of renewing breaths. This increases stressful feelings.  Take several deep breaths. Slow your breathing, especially the exhalation, and lower your breathing, so it comes from deep in your belly. Imagine you are ousting your stress with each exhalation.

- Take it easy. Often, working harder makes stress worse. Taking it easy for a while can help you more effectively eliminate or reduce stress. Take a break, give yourself some time off, and you will come back refreshed and less stressed.

- Seek a solution. Stop looking at the problem contributing to your stress and look for solutions. Focus on what you can control, not what is beyond your control.

Day 3: Social psychologist Amy Cuddy, an associate professor at Harvard Business School, gave a recent TED talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html) discussing how nonverbal body language affects how we perceive ourselves. Specifically, when you stand in a posture of confidence—making yourself bigger with things like opening your shoulders, standing up straight, and putting your hands on your hips—your hormones respond accordingly. Study participants who spent two minutes in these postures had a 20% increase in testosterone levels and a 25% decrease in cortisol levels.

Today, give yourself a dose of vital hormones. Stand up straight, plaster a huge smile on your face, put your hands on your hips and take on a wide-open stance. Breathe fully and slowly. (You might sing Jingle Bells at the top of your lungs!)

Day 4: Here are some ideas for a more relaxing, enjoyable holiday:

1. For large family holiday celebrations, shopping for many people can get stressful and expensive. Opt for picking names out of a hat before the holiday. Each person can then be responsible for a gift to the one family member they pick. Set a limit to the amount that can be spent. You might make exceptions for children under 10, so that the children would still receive gifts from their different relatives.

2. Consider potluck meals.

3. Remember to keep your sense of humor. When the dog eats the turkey, think about how funny a story it will be in a few years. If it will be funny later, laugh now.

My Mom loves the anecdote about how she forgot to turn on the oven to bake the turkey. All the guests arrived and she triumphantly went to get the turkey out of the oven. Ooopps!

4. Give yourself some time off; take some time by yourself. During this time you can read, go for a walk, exercise, or rejuvenate with a relaxation exercise. Practice mindfulness throughout the day: The present can only be the way it is; you need to enjoy the moment. To do so, let go of thoughts like "I wish this or that were different”. Then enjoy a breath or other present moment sensation and relax one of your muscle groups. Doing this many times a day will decrease your overall stress level.

5. The holidays involve waiting in lines in stores, airports and/or traffic. You might chose the shortest line at the department store, but it ends up being, by far, the slowest line. As you think of your list of other errands, you become more and more irritated. Instead, realize that if you want to make your purchases, you need to stay in one line.

Simply think about how busy you usually are. Waiting in line gives you the perhaps rare opportunity to just relax. You could list the things in life for which you are grateful, listen to your ipod, meditate on your breath, talk to one of the other customers or look at a magazine. If you, instead, are waiting in traffic, you could enjoy some relaxing music. You are not getting anywhere faster by stewing.

Speaking of standing in line, don’t! Can you shop early or at times that aren’t so busy? What would happen if you developed a plan to buy ONE gift each day instead of a marathon shopping spree? Buy less so you are not poor come January!

6. Everyone gets a few days off from school or work to celebrate the holidays and we all get the same brilliant idea: visit family. It’s only heartwarming until you get to the airport, where the lines are long and the delays are rampant or with the car where the traffic jams up relentlessly. 

Here are a few ways to ease your way through it:

-Make reservations early. In fact, do it right now if you haven’t already. The longer you wait the more you pay.

--Can you travel at times when others aren’t?  Flying on Christmas Day can be much cheaper. On your day of departure, whether by plane or car, schedule early morning or late night travel. Waking up early or staying up late is definitely worth it, considering you get to avoid all the jam-packed roads and airport security checkpoints.

-Travel light. Especially if you’re flying. If you only take a carry-on and print your boarding pass at home, you can skip the check-in line and go straight to security.

-Prepare for delays. The weather is unpredictable, so brings books, snacks, and maybe even your laptop or tablet so you can entertain yourself in case you get stuck somewhere.

-Smile more. In fact, just be generally friendly. Especially in an airport. You’ll be surprised how much better people treat you.

Today, decide how, when (and why!) you are going to travel. Consider traveling earlier or later than the masses. Make your reservations, if necessary, immediately!

7. Stay active.  When you exercise, your brain releases multiple mood-enhancing chemicals that can help relieve the effects of stress. Aim for at least 20 minutes of aerobic or core-strengthening exercise most days of the week. If you don't have time to go to the gym, fit fitness in whenever you can. Get up a half hour earlier and do an at-home exercise routine or devote part of your lunch break to taking a power walk. Why not get a few co-workers to join you!

Today, make a plan for a stress-less holiday. What (new) measures are you and your family going to take? You’ll need to talk to your close family and discuss what the goals and intentions are.

Day 5: What are three things you love about the upcoming holiday? What could you do to have these three things and enjoy the process of getting there? 

Who are the most important people to you. How can you share the upcoming holiday with them?

What did you do for the last holidays that wore you out and took the joy out of everything? How can you avoid that this time around?

Today, develop a stress-less holiday plan. Downsize whenever possible. Minimalize to enjoy a concentrated holiday "jus" that suits you and yours.

Now go enjoy your weekend! Perhaps with visions of sugar plums?