Resolving to change is not change

The danger of feel-good resolutions

We get a real high when we resolve to change. It gives us a rush of hope and that feels great.

Regrettably, the promise of change seldom forks out what we are expecting. Optimism might make us feel good in the moment of decision (“Tomorrow, I am stopping smoking/ overeating/ procrastinating…YEAH!!”) and the decision to change is the ultimate instant gratification.

But the challenge of actually making a change can be a rude awakening. After experiencing the first stumbling blocks, our original feel-good rush is often chased away by disappointment and dissatisfaction.

This “false hope syndrome” (Polivy & Herman) fails as a strategy for change. This is a strategy for feeling better (dopamine rush) but not a strategy for long-lasting motivation. Resolving to change is the best part of the change process for many people. It makes you feel strong, almost invincible.

After that, it is all downhill – having to say no or yes despite urges, using self-control and self-discipline. Yuk, that’s no fun. It’s much more fun to cash in on the promise of change, without the soggy business of following through.

And because this is true, I am patiently waiting for my fitness center to get less crowded. This waiting period pops up every January and lasts until about the beginning of March. There is a fine line between the motivation we need to make a change, and the kind of unrealistic optimism that can sabotage our goals. We must avoid the trap of using the vow of change to fix our feelings, instead of dealing with our behaviors.