Does This Clutter Make Me Look Fat?

Rid yourself of the clutter in your life and on your hips

Is there a connection between the amount of clutter in your home and size of your butt? Peter Walsh says in many cases there is. "There is this weird connection between clutter in all areas of our homes and clutter we carry in our bodies and on our bodies," he says. The clutter and weight connection is the focus of Peter's latest book Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? An Easy Plan for Losing Weight and Living More.

Many people wish to free their homes and waistlines of unwanted excess. "Your head, your heart, your hips and your house are all interconnected, and I really believe that," Walsh says. Peter offers this advice for ridding your home—and body—of clutter: 

• Clarify what you want. "You need to make a list of things you want from your life," Peter says.
• Focus on the clutter in your home before focusing on your weight. "If your house is not the sanctuary it should be, the haven it should be, then there is no way any other area of your life can come into sync," he says.
• Remove "clutter foods" from your pantry. Foods you bought for entertaining friends, such as fancy crackers and special olives, comfort foods like macaroni and cheese and trendy foods that you bought on a whim but never tried, should all be thrown out or donated.
• Create a magic triangle in your kitchen. The area of your kitchen connected by the stove, refrigerator and sink is the magic triangle. This area of the kitchen should be used only for cooking and cleaning up after cooking Peter says. "Keep the things you use the most often closest in that triangle—that will help you keep your kitchen clutter to a minimum and also it will help you work more efficiently in your kitchen."
• Eat out less and cook in your kitchen more. "When you can control the portions that are not laced with salt and sugar, [that] really makes a huge difference," he says.

Although no two piles of clutter are identical, Peter says there are some universal strategies that anyone can apply towards conquering their clutter. Here are his four foolproof steps for eliminating extra junk in your home:

·       Again, ask yourself, What do I want from my life? Then narrow it down and assess your expectations for your home, or even a specific room.

• Ask yourself, What's the permission I want to give myself? So often, people feel they need permission from an outside force in order to make changes in their life. Instead, try granting yourself permission by listening to your heart once again and to that inner voice inside each and every one of us. "Stay tuned to that voice," Walsh says.
• Stop buying stuff. You'll never make a dent in your clutter unless you stop the influx of new items coming into your home. This includes junk mail, magazines, newspapers and anything that is not a bare necessity for living.
• Take small steps. Use this effective yet simple action step to ridding your home of clutter: Have each family member fill two trash bags a day, one for garbage and the other with items for charity. "That can really make a huge difference," Peter says.

 Peter Walsh found that when clients focused on the lives they wanted to live, they were able to free themselves of years of stuff. When they focused on the lives they knew they deserved, they were able to free themselves from years of gorging themselves.

Consider for a moment that where you live, what you own, how you interact with others, what you eat, and how you spend your time are all intimately linked. You can't change one piece without affecting all the others.

Are smaller dishes the key to weight loss?

Maybe, says food psychologist Brian Wansink, author of Mindless Eating. Wansink held an ice cream social for 85 food experts and gave them a small or large bowl and a small or large scoop. Even these pros, who are supposed to know better, served 31% more ice cream (that’s 127 more calories) in the large bowl and 15% more (60 calories) from the big spoon.

Researchers Andrew Geier and Tim Zintz conducted Similar experiments at the University of Pennsylvania, thinking that if students were given a small ice cream scoop, they’d take more. But the students took only one scoop, regardless of size.

The bottom line: Downsize your dinnerware. Eat on 8-inch plates instead of the usual 10-inch ones. And divide fattening items like gravy and salad dressing into small bowls with small spoons. To load up on low-calorie veggies, place them in a big bowl with a large serving spoon and then dig in.

Declutter your mind, declutter your home, declutter your relationship to food. Then watch the ripple effect this has on every aspect of the way you live. Clear out the junk, and in doing so clear out the patterns of thought and behavior that prevent you from living the life you want. If you try to clear the clutter by focusing on the stuff, you will fail to get organized. It's not about the stuff.

If you try to lose weight by focusing on the food, you'll never change your body for good. It's not about the food. First define the life you want to live. Acknowledge the issues that clutter that vision. Clean up your priorities. Create a world where those priorities can thrive. Learn how to honor and respect yourself. When you do, the ability to take control of your body will follow.

You want to have long-term results that improve every aspect of your life and, trust me, that can't and won't happen overnight.

 

If your horse is dead, get off!

Change to the life you really want!

Downsizing & decluttering your life doesn't only mean STUFF.

Most of us drag things along with us - even though certain people, objects, projects, tasks, etc. aren't serving the same positive intent as when we first began. Often we are well-intentioned people with unrealistic ideas. 

 

Dead horses are all of the "shouldas", “shouldn’tas” and "couldas" that constrain our lives. Generally, we're completely unaware of them.  They show up as the obstinate demands and expectations we, and others, make on ourselves.

These dead horses are forever bursting into our careers, popping up in our ways of life or in our relationships. Nevertheless, we continue to try riding our dead horses despite the fact that they send us into states of disappointment, anxiety, anger, frustration, resentment and perhaps depression.

I don't know if you are spending precious time and energy attempting to resuscitate your dead horses, agonizingly lugging them into today, tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. We make ourselves believe that if we just try harder, keep on keeping on, these dead horses will come back to life better than ever. Or well tell ourselves that if we are less demanding, these dead horses will generate renewed energy and live to ride again.

Or maybe we are hoping that a miracle will happen and our dead horses will suddenly become healthy again so we can ride off into the sunset. Yeah right - and Gandalf is a real person.

Maybe we're rationalizing that our horse really isn't dead; that all it needs is some tried-and-true denial. So we reject reality and distract ourselves from the truth of our situation. And after days, weeks, months and years of resisting, rejecting, and distracting ourselves, we're still waiting for the dead horse to show some life, and so we wait…

Some of us tread softly through life to arrive safely at death's door. It makes Auntie Mame's words, "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death," take on greater meaning. We put off until tomorrow rather than challenge today. 

There may be ‘50 ways to leave your lover’, but how do you know when the time is right to get out?

I just confronted one of my dead horses. It is a seminar that I was asked to give years ago. I never felt comfortable with it and the percentage of good executions were low. I told the people who sub-contract me that 2013 would be my last year doing it.

And here comes the real joke. They asked me to try again, and I weakened. Now, I really bombed on the thing last Monday.

Does this sound familiar?

If your horse is dead, cut your losses and dismount!

Generate a vibrant, positive vision for your future. See it, say it, meditate on it, write it down, hone in on it at every red light. If you discover yourself thinking you're too old, too poor, too weak, or too needy to make a change, chuckle in your own face.

Letting go hurts. But staying, or keeping on with something unhealthful for you,  means being buried alive. The adage “Never give up!” needs to be rethought.

Take a minute or two to consider any "dead horses" you may be riding.

Suze Orman's 10 Tips for a Fresh Financial Start

By Suze Orman

1. No Blame, No Shame

The foundation of a financial fresh start actually has nothing to do with money or specific financial dos and don'ts. The first, and most difficult, step is to absolve yourself and your spouse or partner of any guilt. So you need to make a promise to me. I need you to agree that the past is past, and we are going to focus on the future. Whatever mistakes you feel you have made with money, whatever moves you wish you had or hadn't made, are irrelevant. We are free to move forward only when we remove the emotional shackles of regret. This cleansing step is especially important for couples. You are in this together, so no finger-pointing or arguing about any past decisions. Do we have a deal? Deep breath, everyone. Exhale. Now you are ready to put your financial house in order.

2. Take a Snapshot of Your Finances

It's impossible to map out a route to your destination if you don't know where you're starting from. So let's take a "before" picture of your finances. You've heard me say this a million times, but I want you to open every single financial statement—bank, credit card, mortgage, 401(k), brokerage account—and take a look. Only when you have everything in front of you can you set priorities about what to do next. If you're vexed by your checking account (you swear you should have more money; you can never figure out why your checks bounce), start fresh by opening a new one. Leave enough in your existing account to cover any checks that haven't yet been processed, then transfer the rest to the new account and close the old one. Next, sign up for online banking. It should be free, and as long as you use your home computer, it's also safe. The advantage of online banking is that you can pay bills superfast, and your account is automatically credited or debited for each deposit and payment, making it easier to stay on track.

3. Adopt a Foolproof Credit Card Strategy

Make this the year you tackle that credit card debt once and for all. Doing so will make you and your family stronger and happier—forever. What happens to the stock market and the housing market is completely beyond your control. Credit card debt, however, is completely within your control. Every time you pay off a card with a 15 percent interest rate, you get a 15 percent return on your money.

See if you can qualify for a balance transfer card that offers a low or 0 percent introductory interest rate for the first six to 12 months. If you can get a good deal, move your high-rate debt to that new card. Do not use the card for any new charges, and push yourself hard to pay off the balance as soon as possible. If you don't qualify, no worries. Always pay the minimum due on each card, on time, every month. Whenever possible, send in some extra money on the card that charges the highest interest rate. Your goal is to get the costliest balance paid off first. When the first card is cleared, direct your payments to the card with the next highest interest rate. Keep doing this until you've zeroed out the balances on all your cards.

4. Try Harder to Save

When I suggest that people send in more money to pay off credit card balances or increase the amount they save each month for retirement, I hear the same sad story: "Oh, Suze, I would if I could, but I can't because there's no extra money left at the end of the month." I beg to differ. There's no money left because you haven't evaluated your spending habits. You need to dig deep and be willing to change those habits; to set goals and use those goals as the motivation for lifestyle changes that will allow you to save and invest. Take a clear-eyed look at your credit card statements for the past six months. Can you really tell me that there isn't at least $50 or $100 showing up that you could easily do without? I didn't think so. I call this "hidden money," and here's how you can find it.

I challenge you to reduce every one of your monthly utility bills by 10 percent. Change your calling plan or get rid of the landline account unless you absolutely need it. Dial back the platinum cable package to silver. I bet you can seriously trim your utilities by spending one afternoon increasing your home's energy efficiency: Attach a draft-blocking guard to the bottom of any external doors; add caulk or weatherproofing material around drafty windows; put low-flow aerators on your showerheads and faucets; and replace burned-out bulbs with compact fluorescent energy savers (they're pricier than conventional bulbs but last much longer, saving you money over the long term).

Cars are another great place to save. Plan on driving yours for at least seven to ten years (regular tune-ups will help keep it running longer). Consider buying a used or certified pre-owned car rather than a brand new one. If you get a three-year loan, you have plenty of life left in your car, and money that once went to car payments is freed up for other financial needs. And please, avoid leasing. Since you don't own the car, you never have a time when you are driving your car free and clear. Also, raising your deductible or designating one car to be used for low-mileage driving (under 15,000 miles a year) can reduce your insurance premiums by 15 percent or more.

5. Separate Savings from Investments

Now we're ready to move on to how you put your money to work for you and your family. There is a vitally important difference between money you need to save and money you need to invest, yet it's a distinction many people don't grasp. Money you know you need or want to spend in the next few years is savings. Money you keep handy for an emergency belongs in savings. Money you hope to use soon for a down payment on a house belongs in savings. And all savings belong in a low-risk bank savings account or money market account. The goal is to keep your money safe so that when you go to use it, it will be there.

Money you won't need to use for at least seven years is money for investing. The goal here is to have your account grow over time to help you finance a distant goal, such as building a retirement fund. Since your goal is in the future, money for investing belongs in stocks. As I'll explain later, the potential inflation-beating returns that only stocks can deliver make them the right choice for a successful long-term investment strategy.

6. Know Your Credit Score

The big takeaway from the meltdown of 2008 is that banks are going to be a lot less eager to lend money to you. You will need a sparkling financial personality: a FICO score above 700, solid verifiable income, a manageable amount of existing debt—to get good offers for credit cards, auto loans, mortgages, and refinancings. And you can expect lenders to continue to tighten the screws on your existing credit lines; all the credit they loved to give you before 2008 now makes them nervous. Get your credit score by going to MyFico.com. If your score is below 700, two of the best ways to improve it are to pay your bills on time and push yourself to reduce your credit card balances.

7. Evaluate Your Retirement Plan

If your 401(k) and Roth IRA lost value in 2008, that's a good sign. It means you were invested in stocks, and that's exactly where you should be invested—assuming your retirement is at least a decade away. Only stocks offer the chance of high returns that outpace the annual 3 to 4 percent inflation rate. In your 20s and 30s, aim to keep 80 percent in stocks and just 20 percent in bonds; you have time to ride out stock swings. As you age, slowly ramp up the percentage in bonds; in your 50s and 60s, consider keeping 40 percent or more in bonds to help buoy your portfolio when stocks are slumping. The biggest mistake you can make is to stop investing in your retirement accounts or to shift money from stocks into "safe" money market accounts.

Instead of worrying that your account is down, remember that your money buys more shares of your retirement funds. The more shares you own now, the more you will make when the market recovers. Buy and hold is the way to go.

Here's some perspective: The 2008 market slide is the tenth bear market (commonly accepted as a decline of at least 20 percent) since 1950. If you'd put your money in stocks in 1950 and stayed invested through the ups and downs, your average annual return through 2007 would have been more than 10 percent. That's not to say you can count on an average of 10 percent over the next 50 or so years (7 to 8 percent is probably more realistic), but it illustrates how keeping focused on the long term pays off.

8. Diversify Your Assests

Try to reduce any company stock you own in your 401(k) to less than 10 percent of your total retirement assets. Just ask employees of Enron, Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, and Washington Mutual how smart it was to make big bets on their own stock. Mutual funds and exchange-traded funds (ETFs) are ideal for retirement savings because they own dozens of stocks in their portfolios.

If you're flummoxed by all the investing options in your 401(k), look for a "target retirement" or "life cycle" fund. Then pick the specific portfolio that dovetails with your expected retirement age and you're all set; you will be invested in a mix of stock and bond funds appropriate for your age. You can also invest your Roth IRA in these types of funds; Fidelity, T. Rowe Price, and Vanguard all offer these one-and-done options.

9. Don't Obsess Over Your Home's Value

If you own a house and can afford the mortgage, consider yourself lucky. Try to love your home for what it is: a haven for you and your family, not a path to riches. Unless you bought at the height of the market in a super-popular region that has gone Ice Age–cold, you're going to be fine. And even if you did buy at the peak, if you plan on staying put for five to 10 years, the real estate market will recover with time. But let's be clear: A home is not an investment that will fund your retirement or vacations. The 10 or 20 percent annual gains during the housing boom were temporary insanity. Buy a house you can really afford, and over time it will rise in value. But its main value is as a home. Period.

If you got caught buying into the housing bubble and are now in mortgage trouble, talk to the lender about your options. Don't raid your retirement accounts to keep up with the payments. What happens when the retirement accounts run dry? You still won't be able to cover the mortgage, and you will have lost all your future security. 

10. Protect Your Family—and Your Nest Egg

If there is anyone dependent on your income—parents, children, relatives—you need life insurance. For the vast majority of us, term life insurance is all we need, because it protects you for the "term" of the policy (from five to 30 years) and is incredibly inexpensive. As always, it's important to buy a policy from a firm with a strong financial rating, but even if an insurance company runs into trouble, your state insurance department has funds set aside to help protect you. I also want you to get your estate papers in order. You should have a living revocable trust (this document spells out how your assets should be distributed) with an incapacity clause, as well as a will. Also, have an "advance medical directive" in place that tells your doctors the type of care you want if you become unable to speak for yourself.

Finally, every family should have an emergency savings account that can cover at least eight months of living expenses. And I also want every woman to have her own personal savings account that could support her for at least three months, because you never know. The best place for your savings is an FDIC-insured bank (or a credit union backed by the National Credit Union Share Insurance Fund). If you keep less than $100,000 at an FDIC bank, no matter what happens to the bank, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (part of the U.S. government) will make sure you get every penny back. Online banks that are FDIC insured are just as safe as the bank downtown. (Please note: The emergency federal legislation passed last October increased the FDIC insurance limit to $250,000 through December 2009. But to be extra safe, keep no more than $100,000 in any single bank.)

Feel better? Follow these steps and no matter what the future brings, you will be in control of your financial destiny. And there's nothing more valuable.
 

From the January 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Defeat Your Fitness Foils

Despite your best intentions, sometimes real life gets in the way of your goals. Here are some strategies for overcoming three common obstacles to success.

BY MICHAEL BERG, NSCA-CPT

Did you make a New Year’s resolution to get your best body ever?

Well, the odds are against you. A shocking 88 percent of all resolutions go unfulfilled, according to an oft-cited 2007 survey conducted by British psychologist Richard Wiseman. Turn-of-the-calendar promises fared slightly better in a 2002 University of Scranton study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, with 54 percent giving up within six months, but still, you’re swimming upstream. It’s the little slips, daily decisions and other mental errors that lead to your downfall — so how do you stick to your plan?

We asked a number of certified trainers for some strategies they give their clients to help them sidestep the annoying obstacles life tosses their way. See what they have to say and adopt some of these strategies for yourself.

OBSTACLE: YOU’RE BUSY

No need to apologize — it’s the reality of balancing a career, a family and a social life. But when late nights at the office lead to skipped workouts, those goals you were so gung-ho about can slip from the spotlight faster than an American Idol winner.

“There are always going to be work or family obligations that get in the way of giving ourselves enough attention, so start thinking of your workouts as ‘me’ time,” says Zayna Gold, founder and co-owner of Boston Body Pilates, whose latest DVD is Healing Through Movement.

The best strategy to fitting in this “me” time is getting up an hour earlier. Gold admits this may sound daunting, especially if you already rise early or aren’t a morning person. “But being up an extra hour or two before the rest of your household will not only give you time for your workout, it’ll also give you time to yourself before the obligations start,” she says. “That time provides a sense of well-being, accomplishment and positive energy throughout your day.”

OBSTACLE: YOU’RE POOPED.

Do you skip breakfast? Do you subsist on sugary snacks? Do you go all day without a meal and then eat a large dinner? If so, then your diet could be to blame for your fatigue, says Dallasbased health, wellness and lifestyle coach Kim Truman. Sustain your energy all day by eating breakfast, and have a lunch and dinner that are rich in lean protein and complex carbohydrates. “It’s also important to keep your blood sugar level throughout the day by eating every two to three hours,” Truman says. Between meals, have a healthy snack such as carrots with hummus or a protein shake and a piece of fruit.

If you aren’t sensitive to caffeine, you also may want to drink a cup of coffee before you work out. “Studies have shown caffeine blocks adenosine receptors, which can make you feel drowsy, and can boost your exercise endurance,” Truman says.

Sometimes your exhaustion is mental, however. But this is where exercise can help: Getting out and moving around can literally change your mood by releasing serotonin and other “feel-good” brain chemicals. Talk yourself into moving for 15 minutes. Once those chemicals kick in, you’ll get that needed mental boost that’ll power you through your workout and the rest of your day.

OBSTACLE: YOU’RE INJURED.

Sprains, strains, contusions and breaks are the risk you run when you’re very active. Besides the ignominy of hopping around for weeks in a cast, injuries can prove a serious setback to your get-fit goals mentally as well as physically.

If you’re on a doctor-ordered regimen of rest and recovery, all is not lost, says fitness instructor Patricia Friberg, creator of the Power 4 Pink and Belly Beautiful workout DVDs. “Focus your energy on eating a clean, healthy diet, start a food log and even consult with a nutritionist, she suggests. For injuries that don’t require rest, quiz your doctor about what movements you can and cannot do. “The more knowledge you have about the injury, the more creative you can be in designing a new workout plan,” Friberg says. “For instance, if you love running but have to stop while you heal, try cycling, Pilates or yoga. This way, you can still burn calories and build strength while healing.”

Being able to stay active in some capacity will work wonders for your mental state. Remind yourself that you’ve only got a finite healing time and that before long you’ll be back to kicking butt with the best of them.

Commonly Broken New Year's Resolutions

We could have predicted the top resolutions for this year, as measured by a commissioned Harris Interactive poll conducted in December among 3,036 U.S. adults: lose weight (21 percent), improve finances (14 percent), exercise (14 percent), get a new job (10 percent), eat more healthfully (7 percent) and stop smoking, manage stress better and improve a relationship (5 percent each). Making all those changes sounds good to us, too. Unfortunately, New Year's resolutions are notoriously difficult to keep, and only about 40 percent of us are still holding onto them in July, says John C. Norcross, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Scranton and author of the new book Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions.

Don't be dissuaded, though. In a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, Norcross compared people who wanted to change their behavior and made a resolution to do so ("I'm going to talk to my mother-in-law, whom I haven't spoken to in five years"—a real resolution) with people who were equally keen to change their behavior yet hadn't put it into resolution form ("I really wish my mother-in-law and I still talked to each other."). After six months, only 4 percent of the non-resolvers had made the change, which makes the 40 percent of successful resolvers look pretty impressive. As Norcross says: If you make the shift from wanting to trying, you're 10 times more likely to succeed.

We've identified some reasons why people might fail—but have also included research-backed strategies for how to make this year's resolutions (finally!) stick

Lose Weight

Why it's tricky: Despite good intentions, our nation (and everyone in it) just keeps getting heavier, found a recent report from Trust for America's Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, which also projected that obesity rates in every state are on course to top 44 percent by 2030. What's more, 13 states—mostly in the South—could have obesity rates above 60 percent!

Make it stick: People tend to think about "losing weight" and "exercising" as two separate resolutions, says Norcross (click to the third slide). While he says science used to advise putting energy into tackling one behavioral change at a time, newer research from the University of Rhode Island has shown that combining two related resolutions (exercise more + lose weight, stop smoking + manage stress, save money + stick to a budget) makes it more likely you'll stick to both.

Make—and Save—More Money

Why it's tricky: Personal savings rates are up (slightly), and (slightly) more Americans are feeling financially better off than worse off. Yay, right? Well, keep in mind that companies plan to offer raises of just 2.9 percent in 2013, according to the U.S. Compensation Planning Survey and research by the compensation consulting firm Mercer, which barely keeps up with inflation. And many Americans are still making up for losses sustained over the past few years.

Make it stick: Never say "can't." A study in the August 2012 Journal of Consumer Research looked at the power of language when we're trying to talk ourselves out of something. When participants framed a refusal as "I don't" (for example, "I don't waste my money on expensive lunches") instead of "I can't", they were more successful at resisting temptation.

Work Out

Why it's tricky: While health club attendance surges 30 to 50 percent at the start of the year, it's usually back to normal by March, according to data from the International Health, Racquet & Sportsclub Association. It's also hard to incorporate exercise into a busy life: Norcross himself admits that his resolution is to exercise five times a week—usually not a problem, but will be a major challenge when he's traveling.

Make it stick: Research has shown that "self-monitoring" (a clinical term for charting or recording your progress) increases the probability of you keeping your resolution. This is due to the Hawthorne effect, which causes us to try harder when we think someone is keeping an eye on us. Try MyFitnessPal, a tracking app that's a streamlined upgrade of the paper fitness diary.

Get A New Job

Why it's tricky: By the end of 2010, it took unemployed people on average 10 weeks to land a new job, or 20 weeks to give up looking (that's double the amount of time it took job seekers to find something or give up in 2007).

Make it stick: One of the major revelations in Changeology is that confidence is a big predictor of success: In this case, you need to not only believe that there are appealing jobs out there for you but also that you can realistically continue your search even when things aren't looking up.

Eat Healthier

Why it's tricky: Only 33 percent of adults eat the recommended daily amount of fruit, and only 27 get enough vegetables, found surveys from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Make it stick: Start by satisfying your afternoon munchies with an apple instead of a cookie. If you do this 10 times in a row, you'll actually start to crave the fruit at that time of day, advises Susan B. Roberts, PhD, a Tufts University professor of nutrition as well as professor of psychiatry. This strategy has worked for many of the out-of-control snackers in the weight loss groups she's led.

Stop Smoking

Why it's tricky: It takes the average smoker five to seven attempts to kick this habit for good, says Norcross.

Make it stick: Smokers, take heart—Norcross has studied change for more than 30 years, and despite cigarettes' addictive pull, his data shows this resolution is not harder (or easier) to stick to than any other. The thing to remember, he says, is that every smoker lapses. He adds that one study showed that 71 percent of successful resolvers claimed their first slip actually strengthened their efforts.

Manage Stress Better

Why it's tricky: We don't know how to give ourselves a break, even when we deserve it. In 2010, Americans neglected to take 424 million paid vacation days that were due to them.

Make it stick: This resolution is so vague, it basically sets you up for failure, says Norcross. In fact, it's pretty close to wishful thinking, which, as Norcross mentioned, has only a 4 percent chance of success. Find a strategy that helps you achieve your overall goal (for example, meditating more, drinking less, using your vacation days) and then figure out a way to measure it. One of Norcross' colleagues has taken this to heart: He's resolving to "sit less" this year, so he's tracking the percentage of computer time he spends sitting versus standing or using his laptop on the treadmill.

Improve a Relationship

Why it's tricky: You can't force the other person in the relationship to make the same resolution.

Make it stick: Find specific ways by which you can strengthen your connection, says Norcross. Instead of resolving to, say, talk to your young son more, do what one of his successful study participants did: Resolve to spend 10 minutes a day with your son before bed.

4 Characteristics of the Perfect Resolution

1. Want it for yourself. Don't choose a resolution because someone else wants you to change, or because you think you should do it. In general, the mind-set of self-improvement—that there's something wrong with you that needs to be fixed—is not constructive. New Year's resolutions should be about being good to yourself.
2. Be specific but flexible. The steps to achieving your resolution are important because they give you something specific to do and monitor. But leave room to revise these steps if they turn out to be unsustainable or don't lead to the benefits you expected.
3. Get support. Sometimes we equate New Year's resolutions with personal willpower, but you don't have to achieve your goals alone. What information or resources do you need? Who can help you? Can you find a group that supports the change you want to make?
4. Focus on the why before the what. Before you commit to your resolution, make sure you appreciate the big-picture goal that's driving it. What do you want in your life? What would help you achieve better health and greater happiness?

Source: oprah.com

20 Questions That Could Change Your Life

Finding the answers starts with posing the right questions

1. What questions should I be asking myself?

At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn't. Without this question, you wouldn't ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently.

2. Is this what I want to be doing?

This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you're doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you'd prefer. Thus begins the revolution.

3. Why worry?

These two words, considered sincerely, can radically reconfigure the landscape of your mind. Worry rarely leads to positive action; it's just painful, useless fear about hypothetical events, which scuttles happiness rather than ensuring it. Some psychologists say that by focusing on gratitude, we can shut down the part of the brain that worries. It actually works!

4. Why do I like {cupcakes} more than I like {people}?

Feel free to switch out the words in brackets: You may like TV more than exercise, or bad boys more than nice guys, or burglary more than reading. Whatever the particulars, every woman has something she likes more than the somethings she's supposed to like. But forcing "virtues"—trying to like people more than cupcakes—drives us to vices that offer false freedom from oppression. Stop trying to like the things you don't like, and many vices will disappear on their own.

5. How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?

Your existence is already a factor in world history—now, what sort of factor do you want it to be? Maybe you know you're here to create worldwide prosperity, a beautiful family, or one really excellent bagel. If your impressions are more vague, keep asking this question. Eventually you'll glimpse clearer outlines of your destiny. Live by design, not by accident.

6. How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?

In small ways or large, your life will change the world—and in small ways or large, the world will change you. What experiences do you want to have during your brief sojourn here? Make a list. Make a vision board. Make a promise. This won't control your future, but it will shape it.

7. Are {vegans} better people?

Again, it doesn't have to be vegans; the brackets are for you to fill in. Substitute the virtue squad that makes you feel worst about yourself, the one you'll never have the discipline to join, whether it's ultra-marathoners or mothers who never raise their voices. Whatever group you're asking about, the answer to this question is no.

8. What is my body telling me?

As I often say, my mind is a two-bit whore—by which I mean that my self-justifying brain, like any self-justifying brain, will happily absorb beliefs based on biases, ego gratification, magical thinking, or just plain error. The body knows better. It's a wise, capable creature. It recoils from what's bad for us, and leans into what's good. Let it.

9. How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk?

I believe this question was originally posed by Lao Tzu, who also wrote, "To become learned, each day add something. To become enlightened, each day drop something." Face it: You'd be better off without some of your relationships, many of your possessions, and most of your thoughts. Chuck your chic-chick junk, chic chick. Enlightenment awaits.

10. What's so funny?

Adults tend to put this question to children in a homicidal-sounding snarl, which is probably why as you grew up, your laughter rate dropped from 400 times a day (for toddlers) to the grown-up daily average of 15. Regain your youth by laughing at every possible situation. Then, please, tell us what's funny—about everyday life, about human nature, even about pain and fear. We'll pay you anything.

11. Where am I wrong?

 
This might well be the most powerful question on our list—as Socrates believed, we gain our first measure of intelligence when we first admit our own ignorance. Your ego wants you to avoid noticing where you may have bad information or unworkable ideas. But you'll gain far more capability and respect by asking where you're wrong than by insisting you're right.

 

12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?

I once read a story about a world where people sold memories the way we can sell plasma. The protagonist was an addict who'd pawned many memories for drugs but had sworn never to sell his memory of falling in love. His addiction won. Afterward he was unaware of his loss, lacking the memory he'd sold. But for the reader, the trade-off was ghastly to contemplate. Every time you choose social acceptance over your heart's desires, or financial gain over ethics, or your comfort zone over the adventure you were born to experience, you're making a similar deal. Don't.

13. Am I the only one struggling not to {fart} during {yoga}?
I felt profoundly liberated when this issue was raised on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update." Not everyone does yoga, but SNL reminded me that everyone dreads committing some sort of gaffe. Substitute your greatest shame-fear: crying at work, belching in church, throwing up on the prime minister of Japan. Then know you aren't alone. Everyone worries about such faux pas, and many have committed them (well, maybe not the throwing up on PMs). Accepting this is a bold step toward mental health and a just society.

14. What do I love to practice?

 
Some psychologists believe that no one is born with any particular talent and that all skill is gained through practice. Studies have shown that masters are simply people who've practiced a skill intensely for 10,000 hours or more. That requires loving—not liking, loving—what you do. If you really want to excel, go where you're passionate enough to practice.

15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
To maximize time spent practicing your passions, minimize everything else. These days you can find machines or human helpers to assist with almost anything. Author Timothy Ferriss "batches" job tasks into his famous "four-hour workweek." My client Cindy has an e-mail ghostwriter. Another client, Angela, hired an assistant in the Philippines who flawlessly tracks her schedule and her investments. Get creative with available resources to find more time in your life and life in your time.

16. How can I keep myself absolutely safe?

 
Ask this question just to remind yourself of the answer: You can't. Life is inherently uncertain. The way to cope with that reality is not to control and avoid your way into a rigid little demi-life, but to develop courage. Doing what you long to do, despite fear, will accomplish this.

17. Where should I break the rules?

If everyone kept all the rules, we'd still be practicing cherished traditions like child marriage, slavery, and public hangings. The way humans become humane is by assessing from the heart, rather than the rule book, where the justice of a situation lies. Sometimes you have to break the rules around you to keep the rules within you.

18. So say I lived in that fabulous house in Tuscany, with untold wealth, a gorgeous, adoring mate, and a full staff of servants...then what?
We can get so obsessed with acquiring fabulous lives that we forget to live. When my clients ask themselves this question, they almost always discover that their "perfect life" pastimes are already available. Sharing joy with loved ones, spending time in nature, finding inner peace, writing your novel, plotting revenge—you can do all these things right now. Begin!

19. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?

 
Your situation may endanger your life and limbs, but only your thoughts can endanger your happiness. Telling yourself a miserable mental story about your circumstances creates suffering. Telling yourself a more positive and grateful story, studies show, increases happiness. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, choose thoughts that knit your heart together, rather than tear it apart.

20. Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?
It's been several seconds since you asked this. Ask it again. Not to make yourself petulant or frustrated—just to see if it's possible to choose anything, and I mean any little thing, that would make your present experience more delightful. Thus continues the revolution.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Becks-20-Questions-That-Could-Change-Your-Life_1/3#ixzz2p9ENtfkX

I loved these questions and wanted to share them with anyone interested at the beginning of 2014! Martha Beck is one smart chick!

Happy 2014!

4 Step Plan for Finding Joy This Year

If you're ready to make the most of 2014, here's a

blueprint to help you start imagining your next step.

By Martha Beck

1. Have a Vision

Begin basing choices on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than how you think an ideal life should look. Start by finding images from magazines (or from books or the Internet) that depict your desired future and glue them to a large piece of butcher paper. If that makes you roll your eyes, I understand. But this strategy often works. The board itself doesn't impact reality; what changes your life is the process of selecting the images—which will stick in your subconscious and steer your choices in a direction that helps make the vision real.

2. Let Go of What Doesn't Work

Consider those things you'd like to release from your life—bad habits, toxic friends, old grudges—and as you hold them in your mind's eye, inhale while silently repeating, "Let it happen." When you exhale, think, "Let it go." Practice this consistently, and you can strip most of the trauma and drama right out of your world.

3. Don't Be Afraid to Fail

People who worry about mistakes become paralyzed by that worry, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure. Job burnout? It's steering you toward your perfect career. An awful relationship? It's teaching you what love means. Finding a problem's solution is what gives life its gusto.

4. Pay Attention to What Really Matters to You

If you tend to include others' priorities in your decision making, you must untangle yourself to know what's important. This can be difficult at first, but you'll soon discover that your life is waiting to help you choose what's right for you, even when other people tell you that their own code-red desires should take priority. It does this by making things taxing when they're not important, and delicious and relatively effortless when they are. Life feels good when it thrills you—and bad when it doesn't.

Martha Beck's latest book is The Martha Beck Collection: Essays for Creating Your Right Life, Volume One (Martha Beck Inc.).

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Finding-Happiness-Blueprint-for-a-Happy-Year#ixzz2p9Cdq6Uf