Do you start each new year with lofty
ambitions—only to end up in a rut six months later? It might be time to rethink
your approach to resolutions.
Every year it seems we resolve to eat
better, exercise more, lose ten pounds, stop stressing and start meditating.
But while our intentions are good, our follow-through is often lacking.
Research has found that after just six
months, more than 50 percent of us have given up the goals we set in January.
Not this time! Make different resolutions so you can set yourself up for
success—all year long.
Rule 1: You Must
Stay True to You
Before you make a single change this year,
Gretchen Rubin, author of the forthcoming book Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday
Lives, wants you to take one crucial step. I'm a sucker
for "before" and "after" photo shoots. The thought of a
transformation—any kind of transformation—thrills me. So it should come as no
surprise that at the beginning of a new year, right there with the rest of the
world, I vow to make some changes. They range from the important (walk more) to
the whimsical (wear perfume). With some of my goals, I've succeeded; with others,
I've failed altogether. For the longest time, I couldn't pinpoint the reason
for my erratic results. Did I need to be more focused? Was I just being lazy?
Turns out, I wasn't asking the right questions. As I discovered after spending
several years researching a book on how we make and break habits, the problem
isn't that we lack willpower or grit. The problem is this: We can't change
until we know ourselves. That may sound obvious, but it's a step many of us
skip as we make plans and set goals. We forget to think about us: what we like
to do, what comes easily, what we can control. And so we fail because we try to
change a habit in a way that doesn't suit us. Yet if we stop to identify key
aspects of our nature, we can tailor a resolution to our particular
idiosyncrasies and increase the likelihood we'll stick with our new plans.
I'll give you an example: A friend wanted to cook more. But even though she
enjoyed spending time in the kitchen whipping up dishes, she couldn't get
herself to do it. I asked her one simple question: "Have you ever
successfully kept up this habit?" She had. When she'd lived with a
roommate who loved to grocery shop, she cooked often. Revelation! It wasn't the
cooking she minded; it was the shopping. Now she pays a little extra to have
food delivered and finds that she has the time and energy to make meals at
home. But what if you're trying to make a change that doesn't come
naturally? Say you're a person who wants to exercise, but you haven't found
your way to the gym in decades. We've all heard the arguments in favor of
exercising as soon as you wake up: Mornings are predictable; you can do it and
be done; you'll enjoy the mood and energy boost all day. But while that might
hold true for people who wake up with energy, the world is full of night owls
who barely wake up in time for work. My owl sister runs on a treadmill at 10
P.M. after she puts her 4-year-old to bed. If she tried to get up at 6 A.M. to
run, she'd fail every time. The point is to figure out what works for
you. Some people do better when they start small; others, when they start big.
Some people need to be held accountable; some defy accountability. Some thrive
when they give themselves an occasional break; others, when they never break
the chain. (When I finally admitted that it was impossible for me to eat just
one square of chocolate or one scoop of ice cream, I found that I actually
found it easier to abstain from some sweets.) As you read expert advice,
ask yourself: Are parts of it likely to cause you physical discomfort,
emotional uneasiness, irritation, or boredom? How can you make it appealing so
it's easier to keep up? Can you avoid the things that will throw you off
course? Many strategies work. You just have to discover the ones that are right
for you. And remember, this isn't a race. There is no finish line. Find
satisfaction in the doing, and you'll reap the greatest reward—a good habit
that lasts forever. — Gretchen Rubin
Rule 2: There's Nothing Magical About
January 1
Day 1 of the new year may seem the perfect
time for a fresh start, but let's face it: After a season of indulgence, going
cold turkey on anything is iffy at best. "It's hard to avoid
temptation in January," says Oklahoma State University social psychologist
Melissa Burkley, PhD. "There's usually
too much food and alcohol left over from the holidays." Burkley's more
realistic three-month plan can help you succeed:
January: The Warm-Up
Too often, people fail to build in a prep period when they set goals. It's hard
to, say, begin a successful diet if you haven't removed foods that may trigger
you to overeat. Spending a week or two ramping up for a new behavior will
signal to your brain, Hey, it's time to make a change! You should also
use this time to write down your resolutions. February: The Starting
Line Now that you're
prepared, get going! But instead of launching a new habit on a Monday, opt for
the first Wednesday of the month. Mondays are inherently prone to long to-do
lists and curveballs. By Wednesday, you'll be more settled in. Another bonus:
Starting midweek may lead to greater success because three days is always
easier than five. March and Beyond: Check-In
Don't forget to regularly review the goals you've set. Pick the same day each
month to assess how things are going—are you getting closer to your goal? Have
you plateaued? Are you moving backward? Keep in mind that most people will have
many lapses on the way to lasting change, so be prepared to adjust as you go. —
Arianna Davis
Rule 3: It's Not Your Butt—It's Your Brain
To develop a successful get-fit plan, you
must override your brain's impulses.
Think about how you've set weight loss goals
in the past. Did you vow to hit the gym more, run a marathon, or start a weekly
walking group with your friends, only to flake on your plans after a few weeks?
"Many fitness and weight loss resolutions are intentions like balloons
released into the air—they fade out of sight very quickly," says Walter
Mischel, PhD, a professor of psychology at Columbia University and author of The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control.
To see your way to success, Mischel says you first have to understand how
the brain works. The brain's "hot" part is the limbic system,
which is reflexive, primitive, and immediate (useful in caveman days or to
dodge a bullet), but it's also the "Gimme! Gimme!" part—the one that
has you hitting the snooze button when you're supposed to get ready for the gym
or agreeing to happy hour when you're scheduled for Zumba. To keep us from
acting on all our desires, the brain is balanced with a rational and reflective
"cool" system, located primarily in the prefrontal cortex, which
developed later in the evolutionary process. When temptation strikes, the hot
system activates and can lead to poor impulse control, says Mischel. But you
can tap into your cool side to outsmart your knee-jerk response by coming up
with if-then scenarios. If you've heard and tried this approach before
with little success, it's probably because your statements weren't specific
enough. If you regularly skip the gym, tell yourself, "If I get off work
at 6 p.m., I will put on my workout clothes and run one mile." Or,
"If I'm going up only four flights, I'll take the stairs." Unlike a
vague plan, which can easily be overruled by your hot system, a specific
strategy can quickly bring your cool rational system into play—making you more
likely to do the right thing. Several studies have shown that among groups with
the same goals, participants who form if-then plans end up being more
successful.
In Data We Trust
Here are stats from a sample of the 75
million users of MyFitnessPal, one of the most popular weight-loss tools
worldwide, that show which strategies are most successful.
30+ People who have lost
30-plus pounds are twice as likely to plan their meals and snacks ahead of time
than those who have lost 5 pounds or less.
3x That's how much more
weight people lose when they share their food diary with friends (compared with
those who keep their eating habits private).
6+ 33 percent of people who
have lost more than 40 pounds exercise at least six times per week.
Rule 4: Your Slipups Are Only Detours
You will give in to temptation—but
that doesn't mean you should ditch your goal entirely. "Resilience doesn't
come from willpower," says Barbara Fredrickson, PhD, director of the Positive
Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the University of North
Carolina at Chapel Hill. "It comes from thinking positively, which you can
train yourself to do."
The anatomy of a slipup—and how to get back
on track.
1. Moments before slipup
Something happens to send you into a tailspin—you fight with your spouse, you
receive a snippy email from a friend. You're ready to indulge in exactly the
thing you've sworn off, like impulse shopping or junk food. "If these
behaviors are associated with reward, your brain is wired to want the feel-good
hit it's received in the past."
2. During slipup
Enjoy! Whether you're embarking on a little retail therapy or drowning your
emotions in cheesecake, don't beat yourself up. "Slow down and appreciate
it. Focus on the good feelings, not on the sense that you're failing."
3. A few minutes after slipup
How you talk to yourself in this moment often means the difference between
moving on from your mistake and making it ten times worse. "Don't let
yourself get sucked into screw-it syndrome—the idea that once you overindulge,
you've ruined the day, so anything goes. Instead, say to yourself, "Yes, I
got off track, but I don't need to make it worse." It's easier to dig out
from a 300-calorie or $30 mistake than a 3,000-calorie or $300 one."
4. One day later
Keep up the positive self-talk, and you'll be less likely to fall into the same
trap again. "Self-compassion means not calling it a slipup but a detour.
Say, 'Even if I'm meeting my goals only two-thirds of every day or week, that's
two-thirds more than before.' Look at what you've done and frame it as an on-the-whole
success."
5. Two weeks later
So you've "detoured" not just once but several times? Totally normal.
"Accept failure as part of the learning process, but notice how
you're failing. Focus on how long it takes you to rally after a mistake. If, for
instance, your goal is to stop shopping and you slipped and splurged at the
mall, see how quickly you can short-circuit feeling bad and move on. You'll
know you're making progress if your recovery time continues to shrink."
Rule 5: Bad Habits? They're Actually
Solutions
When you understand how your vices help you,
you'll have a better shot at kicking them to the curb.
Admit it: You drink at least two cans of
Diet Coke a day. Or like 28 percent of Americans, you hit the drive-through
once a week. Or like roughly 16 percent of women, you still smoke. You know you
shouldn't, but the real reason you can't stop yourself may be because you
haven't admitted that these "bad" habits are actually solutions
instead of problems, says executive coach Deborah Grayson Riegel, author of Oy Vey! Isn't a Strategy: 25 Solutions for Personal and
Professional Success. Don't think your habit could
possibly be doing you any favors? Grayson Riegel begs to differ: Diet Coke
provides energy when you're tired; fast food saves time when you're too
overscheduled to plan, prepare, and cook a meal; cigarettes give you a feeling
of belonging to a community, a me-time break from work or a sense of rebelliousness.
Once you've identified the problem your vice is solving, give yourself some
credit: There's no question that you have the power to troubleshoot your own
problems. Then ask yourself, "What would I be capable of if I used my
conscious mind to develop a new, healthier strategy?" "You'll be far
more successful if you can replace the original action with something that gets
you the same reward," says Alexandra Jamieson, holistic health counselor
and author of Women, Food, and Desire: Embrace Your Cravings, Make
Peace with Food, Reclaim Your Body. "Try
transforming a habit by substituting something else enjoyable: If ice cream is
your go-to comfort food, try taking a bath with a few drops of grapefruit
essential oil, which is still sensory," says Jamieson. "If you'd
normally swing by the drive-through after a bad day at work, try stopping at a
stationery store if that's your thing and buy a cute card. You still have the
problem of wanting to feel comforted, but now you have solutions in place that
aren't bad for you, making them guilt-free and far more sustainable." —
Sarah Z. Wexler
Rule 6: You Can Make Your Cravings Work for
You
There's no shortage of experts who can tell
you all the ways to eat healthier (stock up on kale! drink green juice! pack
your lunch every day!). sure, the advice works in theory, but what happens when
life intervenes? Find out which things that you really like that are also
healthy and go for those things.
Rule 7: Resolutions Can Be Small and Fun!
Yes, this can be the year you finally give
up sweets or master the headstand in yoga or get a new job. But why can't it
also be the year you read more books, laugh daily and daydream freely? These
habits belong on everyone's list.
Daydream More
When your mind wanders, you might want to follow it. Research from the
University of Wisconsin-Madison suggests that daydreamers tend to have better
working memories—and a separate study found that people whose thoughts drifted
when they took a work break were more inventive when they returned to a
creative project (listing possible uses for objects like a brick) than those
who tried to stay focused during their break time.
Watch Crazy Car (or
Cute Baby) Videos Science continues
to show how beneficial laughter can be. You already know it can defuse anger
and anxiety, but a study last spring also discovered it could reduce short-term
memory loss in older adults. (When we're stressed, we release more cortisol,
which, over time, may impair memory. Laughter, on the other hand, can decrease
levels of the hormone.) Join a Book Club
In 2013, 23 percent of American adults didn't read a single book. That's too
bad, as science shows that getting lost in a page- turner can do your body
good. Marketing research by Mindlab
International found that reading could lower stress levels up to 68
percent—and was shown to be a more calming activity than listening to music.
Just
Say Hello Research has shown
that people with stronger ties to friends, family, and coworkers have a 50
percent greater chance of outliving those with fewer relationships. Vow to
reach out, whether it's to an old friend or a stranger you regularly pass on
your way to work. It could be the easiest thing you do for your health all day. —
Arianna Davis
Rule 8: Tech Is Your Friend
Consider these apps your 24-hour support
system.
Join the Anti-Gym
There's no time to exercise. The gym's too far. Workout classes are too
expensive. Push pause on those excuses and download Nike+ Training Club, a free app
that offers 15-, 30-, and 45-minute full- body workouts—with instructional
videos for every move—that you can do in your living room (some require
dumbbells). And their four-week exercise programs offer an experience closer to
personal training. Choose the month-long plan that most matches your fitness
level and goals. Get Centered Meditation is powerful stuff—it may
help quell stress, lower blood pressure and reduce insomnia—but trying to quiet
your mind during a harried day can be a tall order. Headspace, an app co-created and
narrated by an ordained Tibetan Buddhist monk, will help get you started with
ten free easy-to-follow tutorials that require only ten minutes of your time.
At the end of the trial, you can sign up for a monthly ($13) or yearlong ($96)
subscription to more sessions. Butt Out If a stick of nicotine gum
isn't quite enough for you, find support on MyQuit Coach, a free app developed
by LiveStrong.com that has
been reviewed by medical professionals, including smoking cessation and tobacco
addiction specialists. The program allows you to connect with other smokers
trying to stop, track cravings and devise a quitting plan with short- and
long-term goals. Count Calories Research shows that many people
underestimate how much they eat (one report found that adults lowball what
they've consumed at fast food restaurants by roughly 175 calories). And while
it's easy to get stats from a nutrition label, can you accurately gauge the
calories in a bowl of chips or a square of lasagna? Leave the number crunching
to Countertop, a free app that pairs
with a food scale ($150) to calculate the calories on your plate.
— Sarah Meyer
Rule 9: You Still Have to Write Down Your
Resolutions!
People who commit their goals to paper are
more likely to follow through, according to a Dominican University of
California study. So pick up your pen and start plotting your best year
yet.
From the January 2015 issue of O, The Oprah
Magazine
