Influence: Feedback & Critique

Most of us want to have good relationships with the people we influence, but it’s inevitable that we need to communicate when we don’t get the anticipated results. While we should all limit our critical language, giving and receiving feedback is essential for success.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines the word criticize as:

To consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly: evaluate; to find fault with : point out the faults of

And feedback is defined as:

The transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process to the original or controlling source; also : the information so transmitted

Intention
While the word “evaluate” appears in both definitions, only the definition for criticize includes the words “judge” and “fault.” At the same time, only the definition for feedback includes the word “corrective.” Both effective and ineffective leaders evaluate what happened, but only effective leaders have the intention to help people get better going forward. Ineffective leaders may wish for this, but are pre-occupied with finding blame first.

Effective leaders look forward and develop people that will help everyone achieve a shared vision. They look to the past only to the extent that data and lessons from the past can make the future better. While the past is the starting point of most feedback sessions, the best leaders quickly move on to their most important focus: what’s been learned and what steps do all parties take going forward?

To focus more on feedback, take one action this week that will give you practice giving feedback. Based on the three questions below, what action will you take to make the shift to caring feedback?

Are you more interested in helping than blaming?

Are you able to find things you love about the people you lead?

Are you talking more about the future than the past?

Ultimately the goal of critique is to help the other person make himself better. It offers an opportunity for learning.

Criticism is often intended to put down the other person and help the person who is criticizing to feel superior or righteous. Criticism implies "I know better than you" or "I know what is good for you". Neither statement is true. You may see things differently than another person. You may be able to be more objective about some issues. The closer someone is to you, the more likely you are to criticize them. Criticism occurs whenever you think you have enough knowledge, authority or power to pressure someone to change in order to meet your expectations of them and follow your rules for life. It says, “Be like I want you to be.”.

Criticism can often be recognized by "forewarning words" such as "Why can't you", "Why don't you", "You should" or "You never (or always)”. Because it is perfectly normal to resent criticism, most people don't listen seriously to whatever is said after those warning words.

Instead, people who are criticized react in one of three ways:

1) They feel crushed by criticism, becoming depressed and compliant,

2) They blow up at the other person without stopping to think what they've heard (for example, "How dare you....")

3) They look for a vulnerable spot in that other person and “attack” them back.

There is no evidence that criticism results in something constructive. But you do see results such as resentment, hurt, depression, relationship breakdown, abusive behavior, character assassination and violence.

What then is the difference between criticism and feedback?

Criticism is getting even. Feedback is giving an honest and accurate description of what you see happening, but without any judgment. Feedback involves totally owning your own observations and feelings. It involves sharing them, but as information not to direct or control. If you honestly tell someone what you see them doing, you're not insisting they change. But you hope they will consider and evaluate the information you've given them. With feedback, you don't accuse a person of making you feel a certain way. You share what you feel, not blaming them or holding them responsible for your feelings. You are making them more aware.

Listen to yourself the next time you talk to someone. Are you giving feedback or are you criticizing? You may have to look closely to spot the difference! We're so used to criticizing, that half the time we don't realize we're doing it. If you want your relationships to be healthy and happy, work at giving more feedback and much less criticism.

Constructive feedback is information-specific, issue-focused, and based on observations. It comes in two varieties:

Positive feedback is news or input to an employee about an effort well done.

Negative feedback is news to an employee about an effort that needs improvement. Negative feedback doesn't mean a terrible performance, rather a performance in which the outcomes delivered should/could be better. So negative isn't a negative word in this case.

Praise and criticism are personal judgments about a performance effort or outcome.

The information given is general and vague, focused on the person, and based on opinions or feelings.

The following examples help show the difference between constructive feedback (either positive or negative) and praise/criticism:

Praise: You did a great job on that project. Good work.

Positive feedback: The contributions you made on this project were a big help. I noticed that the work you produced was thorough and accurate. In addition, whenever I needed help in coordinating the team and managing the project schedule, you stepped in and covered for me or gave me assistance, which kept the team and the project on schedule. When team members had questions, you were available to help get them answers. Thanks so much for your contributions in helping make this project a success.

Criticism: You were not much help on this project. You were really ineffective. I hope this isn't the best you can do.

Negative feedback: Here are the concerns I have regarding your assistance on this project. As I explained at the beginning of the project, your services were needed to help coordinate the project management in terms of keeping people focused on their assignments and on the schedule. I did not see much effort of coordination occurring. For example, many of the team members came to me with questions about assignments and schedule issues, often after they could not get answers from you. Most of the time, I noticed that you were working on your part of the project, but the interactions with the others about the overall project and its progress were not evident. When I asked you to cover for me at three of the meetings, each of the meetings ended after a brief time with no minutes or action items produced. Delays have occurred in the project, and we'll now require everyone's attention to get back on track.

The two types of constructive feedback come across as far more objective, specific, and nonjudgmental than simple praise and criticism. Because constructive feedback is based on observations in specific terms about issues of performance, it's not a right or wrong. It is specific. It is like a navigation system (GPS) that simply tells you how to get back on course.

Constructive feedback encourages a discussion after the person gets the feedback. As a result, you and your employee can learn more about the situation and, if needed, set a positive course of action for the future.

How to Deliver Feedback (not Criticism)

In a work environment, when you need to change a particular behavior by delivering criticism in the form of feedback, typically talk to the person one-on-one in a distraction-free environment.  [No cell phone, no Blackberry, no other people around, etc.]  Be direct in announcing the subject of the discussion, but don’t make it sound like a bashing.  And after announcing the subject, start off by talking about related things that the person does really well.  In other words, make sure the employee knows that he is valued as a member of the team, and why… what they do well, etc.   Then it is time to deliver the feedback, phrase it in the form of a question so that the answer the employee gives contains the desired feedback.   And if (for whatever reason) they don’t “get it“, then explain by framing how the person can possibly obtain a better or more optimal result.

Feedback Guidelines In general

Source: www.leadandconnect.com, feedback guidelines, 2013

Set standards: Ask your team in advance, how they want to be criticized and have daily procedures in place: For all projects and even for every single job it has to be clear what a good job is. After the job has been done, it should be the norm for everyone to give and to take feedback. A well-established feedback-loop is crucial for the growth of your business and high quality standards.

Focus on solutions rather than on problems. Rather, ask “how can we solve it” than “who’s done it”, because it’s a waste of energy to dwell on blame. Create an atmosphere where people are allowed to make mistakes and remind yourself and your team that it is as normal to talk about them as to make them. Mistakes are a natural part of learning.

How to give feedback

· Do it in a well-balanced way: Don’t just give negative feedback and criticize, also give positive feedback.

· When you give negative feedback/criticize, explain why: Because you want to have the best quality for your clients and the success of your business depends on it.

· Do it face to face, privately and in confidence. If you work virtually, phone the person, don’t just send an email.

· Be kind and respectful, don’t wait too long and build up frustration.

· Speak for yourself (I didn’t like...), not on behalf of others (We all had problems with your...)

· Be positive. Rather tell them what they should do than what they shouldn’t.

· Be specific, focus on a specific task and give examples, for example not: “you are always so slow”, but: “you needed two hours to write this letter, actually that’s too long, what was the problem?”

· Relate to actions. Never criticize the person, only the actions and behavior.

· Choose a good time. Perhaps it is not a good idea to do it in the evening when everybody is tired.

· Separate observable behavior from your evaluation and give them a chance for an explanation, for example don’t just say: “I am so disappointed, this will have consequences...” first say: “You didn’t send the client our proposal this morning. I got a phone call, he is really upset. What was the reason for not sending it?”

How to receive feedback

· Don’t ask for feedback unless you really want it. If a team member “takes the risk” and offers criticism/negative feedback, make sure that you always acknowledge their bravery. Don’t underestimate the imbalance of power, even if you are very good friends with your team. One or two funny reactions on feedback and you won’t get it any more.

· Listen and hear the person out.

 · Ask questions just for clarification and to be clear what the person wants you to change

· Don’t be defensive and don’t justify yourself – whatever the reason, the effect your behavior had on the other person will be the same unless you change something.

· Keep in mind that feedback is useful. It can help you to grow, to perform and communicate more effectively.

· Tell the other person when you can’t take any more. Perhaps you don’t feel very well or you’ve had a hard day. Take the freedom to ask if the person could come back to you the following day. Make clear that you are interested in getting feedback, but that actual moment is not a good time for you to do it.

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