Changeology

  “What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.”
― Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now

 

Self-change is not only possible (sorry shrinks) but probable if you use special skills. John C. Norcross wrote Changeology, a delightful book about the 5 steps to change.

Step 1 - Psych: Getting Ready

Outline your goal and define the new you. Start counting and measuring the behavior you will modify. Think about the consequences of your problem and imagine a new life without it. Harness the awareness and emotions that will propel you into action.

Step 2 - Prep: Planning Before Leaping

Build your commitment and then make your goal public. Pick your start day and identify people who will support you. Take a few small initial steps --  and prepare for liftoff!

Step 3 - Perspire: Taking Action

Walk the talk - take action! Develop healthy alternatives to the problem, and build new behaviors. Reward yourself for a job well done. Cultivate your environment and support team to keep moving forward.

Step 4 - Persevere: Managing Slips

Learn to say no and develop a plan for getting back on track after a slip. Avoid high-risk triggers, resist the urge, and keep a positive outlook. Slips need not become falls.

Step 5 - Persist: Maintaining Change

Keep using the strategies that maintain the new you. Have backup plans for those inevitable slips. Remind yourself that you can do this! Sustain self-change over the long haul.

I recommend this book. It not only gives you a pep talk to get you motivated, it helps move you from good intentions to your goal and tells you how to "keep the change". ;-)

Create My Slip Card

In this self-change exercise, we help you create and print a Slip Card, which is like a cheat sheet of reminders, to carry in your purse or wallet.
All of the planning in the world won’t necessarily prevent slips. Once you’ve slipped, you’ll want a plan that incorporates lessons learned and prepares you better. Otherwise, you’ll be like that skydiver sewing his parachute after he jumps.
Begin building your Slip Card by identifying:

• what you were thinking
• what you were doing
• what you were feeling
• and whom you were with when you slipped.

You’ll turn those triggers around and phrase them as the healthy opposites.
For example, when I (Norcross) fail to exercise four or five times a week, I have learned that:

• I am thinking “Give myself a break. I’m too tired” (which is perverse, since exercise is what gives me more energy)
• I am traveling or working long hours
• I am feeling resentful, put upon, and pressured (all the more reason, of course, to de-stress by exercising, but I do not feel that at the moment)
• I am away from home and not around my exercise buddies (Tom H, Mary, Tom S)

These four categories form the basis for your slip card – what to think, what to do, what to feel, and who to do it with – the next time you slip. I transform them into a positive list of Do’s and a few Don’t on my slip card:
Do: remember that exercise gives me energy; contact an exercise buddy ASAP; use exercise as a stress buster; renew my commitment; remind myself of the long-term consequences of not exercising
Don’t: use travel as an excuse; think one slip means failure
Yes, it takes a few moments, but the payback is huge. Your slip card serves as a roadmap that directs you to effective strategies to prevent slips from becoming complete falls.
As an example, here is Andrew’s slip card for over-partying as published in Changeology:

ANDREW’S SLIP CARD

DO

• Leave the situation immediately after slipping.
• Remember: a slip is NOT a fall. It can rekindle my commitment.
• Slips are part of the process; an obstacle to overcome rather than a road block.
• Feel embarrassed about the behavior, but not me as a person.
• I know what to expect when a slip occurs — I have a plan.
• Immediately start on a healthy alternative to overspending.
• Call Jack and maybe my parents.
• Reach out for support immediately.

DON’T

• Overspend my way out of it.
• Blame others for the relationship conflict.
• Wallow in self-pity for a day or two.
• Give up; one swallow does not make a summer.

Let’s now create your short and punchy slip card. Create it, print it, and carry it with you during Persevere and Persist.
Here’s a blank slip plan for you to complete. Make it shorter than Andrew’s; a few do’s and don’ts. What to think, what to do, what to feel, who to turn toward.
Carry it in your pocket, purse, or wallet through the next few weeks. Put it with your driver’s license or your credit cards. Consider sharing it with your change team.  A slip not need be a fall!

MY SLIP CARD

DO

ADD +

DON’T