The Magic Space Between Daily Events

The breathing space between the things you do is just as important as the things you do.

Pushing the “Pause Button” occasionally for a brief moment to halt hectic and busyness can pave the way to calmness by capturing precious time and mindfulness.  Pausing can also provide you with a break in the habitual action, so you can become aware of “wrong turns” and so, begin again in a new direction when needed. 

It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with hustle and bustle.  Sometimes you need to leave space to just “be”.

Set aside a little space between every one of your commitments.  Take a break to breathe and calm your mind, take a short walk outside, drink a glass of water, or perhaps do some simple deep stretching exercises.  Appreciate the momentary freedom, and just be.

And remember that this kind of change doesn’t happen all at once.  It happens just one small step at a time.  When it comes to making changes, less is more.

Do you have mile-long to-do lists?  It’s unrealistic to want to accomplish 100 tasks a day, so pare down and compel yourself to make a daily list of no more than 4 core tasks. This means, you must be aware of the highest priorities. You will begin to feel empowered rather than overwhelmed since you DAILY do the most important things.  Just take everything in small, manageable steps. (Don’t even fantasize that you can get everything done!)

Remember the almost forgotten art of leaving tasks/events undone. Eliminate the non-essentials and stop over-committing. Learn to say no. The emotion you get from doing your important tasks is far better and less stressful than the feeling you get from sitting around thinking you should be doing it.

Take care of your future-self today

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise so I am changing myself. –Rumi-

You are a work in progress

Most people underestimate how much they change as life goes on.

Dan Gilbert, in many studies, has found out that people would pay on the average $129 to see their favorite music group. Asked if that would be the same in 10 years, they said yes. Yet, when asked how much they’d pay to see their favorite group of 10 years previously, they offered only about $80.

I’m always amazed when people declare themselves unchangeable. “I am what I am. Can’t change that.”

Well, thank goodness we can and do change. Some of us work really hard to become the future selves we envision today. Getting “better” can be a difficult job but can be infinitely satisfying at the same time. I have never talked to a single ex-smoker who was grumpy that he succeeded in stopping! Or to a person on the verge of diabetes who was sorry to have lost weight.

The fight between the present-self and the future-self

If you set goals for yourself and you're like a lot of other people, you probably realize it's not that your goals are physically impossible that's keeping you from achieving them, it's that you lack the self-discipline to stick to them. It's physically possible to lose weight. It's physically possible to exercise more. But resisting temptation is hard.

It seems that only few people have a good contact to their future-self and are committed to doing what is neccessary now to ensure the well-being of their future-self. You are connected to, and legally tied to, this future-self.

The new virtual reality uses software to “age” a subject based on a current picture. Seeing this picture helps the subject build up a relationship with the older version of himself. Behavioral Economist Daniel Goldstein is working on a cool commitment device that ages people’s faces to show what they’ll look like decades later. The fancy version shows the future self going from frown to smile when the present self saves more. (Meanwhile, the present self goes from smile to frown.)

How about the topic of saving? Saving is a classic two selves problem. The present self does not want to save at all. It wants to consume and I was a terrific example of this. Whereas the future self wants the present self to save.

We look at the savings rate and it has been declining since the 1950s. At the same time, the Retirement Risk Index, the chance of not being able to meet your needs in retirement, has been increasing. And we're at a situation now where for every three baby boomers, the McKinsey Global Institute predicts that two will not be able to meet their needs while they're in retirement.

The Behavioral Time Machine, currently in development, seeks to bolster savings rates by connecting individuals with their future selves. Using age-progression software, this tool allows people to see images of themselves 30 years in the future and has been proven in studies to be effective at increasing savings rates.

Showing people what type of apartment they can afford at different levels of retirement savings really helps. People are shown what particular apartments that they can afford if they're retiring on 3,000, 2,500, 2,000 dollars per month and so on. As they move down the ladder of apartments, the subjects see that the living quarters get worse and worse. And as they get to the very bottom, they're faced with the unfortunate reality that if they don't save anything/enough for retirement, they won't be able to afford any housing at all. At a certain rate of retirement savings, the subjects see an attractive living environment. The worst-case scenario is a tent on the street.

The Behavioral time machine is important because it give us an image of our future selves. Because most of us can’t really imagine our future-selves, let alone take care of him/her in the “now”.

Who is going to stick up for your future-self?

At any given moment, you have the power to say: “This is not how the story is going to end”. 

– C.Miller – 

Getting Back On Track

Does it ever happen to you? You get your good habits and positive rituals established and, at sometime during the year, you get off the constructive path?

I was sick for a few weeks, including the first week of vacation in Florence. I came back to a flood of tasks and appointments. So, for quite a time, I got off my morning “water, meditation, yoga, TED-talk” routine. Because of that, my good old muscles have shortened again, I run around a bit dehydrated and my center is askew. Goodness!

Now, this morning, I fought all the distractions my mind shoves into my little head and started my routine again. My thoughts kept reminding me that I have this-and-that to get done before now-and-then. My deal with myself to take on only one of my lost routines at a time was put to an exhausting test.

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Getting back on track, little by little. My wee post-it notes help remind me.

Watch this space…

P.S. TaDAA! I did my duolingo.com last evening and I haven't forgotten my Italian yet. And I just finished my morning ritual again. Step by Step, getting back on track.

Italian Women

Ah, Italian women.

I say that even though I am a woman. 

I like the way they look and carry themselves. So I've decided to become one.

Well, no, it doesn't really work like that. But I can fake it a bit.

Italian women adorn themselves with jewelry. Check.

So I went to the Ponte Vecchio where the gold shops are and bought myself a gold necklace, a collier. Umm, looks nice even on my wrinkly neck. Then I bought a gold bracelet from Swarovki. Whew, I'm smokin'.

So now, when I go out, I adorn myself with jewels. My earrings, gold watch, bracelets, two rings and collier. Even if I am only zipping up the street to the store.

Then I ask somebody something in Italian. Really suave-like. "Dove posso trovare un 
bancomat qui vicino?" 
(Where can I find an ATM machine/hole-in-the-wall here close by?) 
And I attentively pretend I've understood the answer.

I mean, am I cool or what?

Most Italian women are slender. I don't see how they resist the gelato and the amazing 
dolci and pastries. And it seems like everybody eats pasta and get by with it. 
You’d think they’d pile on the pounds, but the opposite is true. Basically Italian women 
don’t eat junk, they’d rather not eat than put anything substandard in their mouths and a thoughtful, consistent approach to mealtimes, sitting down three times a day and rarely snacking, means they keep their trim figures. Quality over quantity. 
No check here for me.

Italian women have a sense of style. They seem to have this innate ability to put clothes together and look good. They don’t overdo it either, in fact, they even flirt with conservatism, but in Italy you will rarely see a badly dressed woman. (You see a lot of badly dressed American girls though!) Italian women don’t just throw something on, and there’s a coherence in what they wear, a look. And it gives them confidence, even the very plain or average looking Italian woman moves with a certain confidence and that is in itself very attractive. I guess this means I'll be tossing my Sketchers and clogs.

Women are in general more emotional, but Italian women ride the extremes of human existence in their emotional ‘intelligence’. Everything they say sounds like a dramatic story. Now that I can understand some Italian, I realize that the passionate exclamations some of them are emanating are simply the grocery list! Check here if I'm not in Germany. There, I'm the undercooled business lady.

Italian women all seem to be university educated with masters and PhDs for fun. They almost all speak at least three languages and incredibly, the do it all while looking fantastic and being ultra feminine. A professional Italian woman is the kind of colleague you want on your team, a brilliant communicator, inventive and resourceful, when she says she’ll get something done, you know it’ll be done. 
I could get some checks in here if you count my weak Eyetalian as the third language.

Italian women have a great sense of humor. Perhaps they’re used to deflecting the unwanted attentions of the Italian male, but most Italian women are equipped with a witty and disarming sense of humour. They differ from their male compatriots in that they're more than willing to laugh at themselves. Hey! Check here. Not for the deflecting part but I love to laugh. And have been known to show some educated humor here and there.

Hmm, looks like I've still got some work cut out for me. Non mi arrendo mai.

A dopo.

Here I am in Florence again.

Here I am in Florence again.

It is one of my favorite cities and I'm enjoying just being here. There is no need to cast myself into the masses of tourists at the many wonderful sights the city has to offer. I've been to most of them before and now I'm allowing myself to take in Italian life.

This week, I get up early, do my Power Hour (Mighty Morning) and then hop on a bus for the trip into the center of town. Forty minutes later I get off and climb the endless stairs of a palazzo for my Italian lessons. I am investing in private lessons which are much more demanding. Maybe I'll "get" this language after all!

I am staying at a house through airbnb and what a difference to hotels it is! I can use the kitchen for my special breakfast and light suppers. There are two baths and three other guests. I can use the dining room and the living room and my bedroom is quite spacious. And it all costs about a third of what I'd pay at a hotel.

The only thing I'd like to change here in the city are the dog toilets - those are the sidewalks! I have to look down constantly and often see evidence of people who didn't. Need I explain? In Germany, dog owners get fined if their dog poops on the sidewalk and the owner doesn't get rid of it.

It is really amazing to see how slender most of the Italians are. I don't think they go into McDonalds the way the tourists do. Italians have "breakfast" of coffee and croissant, the lunch is leisure and has one or two courses and I'm not sure about dinner. I never go out in the evening to eat. I suppose the restaurants are full. At any rate, Italians don't snack the way overweight countries do.

I met a woman who has taken off for a year here in Italy. She and I went over to Bologna on the train and she zips between the French Riviera and Berlin. Now she has rented an apartment here until August. She quit her job, ditched her leeching boyfriend, rented out her house and sold her car! Now that is a fascinating woman. She wants to spend most of her time this winter writing a genealogy book.

The world is full of amazing people!

Morning Rituals to Give Your Life More Pazääng!

Mighty Mornings

There are several things you can do to get the day going in the direction you want. These are rituals, habitual activities that affect your life in a positive way.

To make the next day the best ever, you need to start the evening before.

Evening before: Create your (next) day before you sleep.

1) Write down three tasks that you want to get done before noon the next day.

This helps you filter all the to-dos on your list to pick out the three most important tasks. That is the secret of priorities. There are too many things to do and you can’t do all of them. What ARE you going to do tomorrow that makes a positive difference?

2) Day scripting: Write a script about how you want to be and act the next day.

Here you simply write out the way the next day is going to be. This will give a guideline to your brain that it will work on while you are asleep. You don't need to write a novel. If you read the finished script out loud and visualize it, the effect is even more amazing.

3) Gratitude recitation

Now that you are cuddled up in your bed, run through as many things you can think of that you are thankful for. For instance, I’m always thankful for the fact that I even have a (comfortable) bed to sleep on! And, I’m glad I can let myself slumber when I am tired (generally!). Once your brain gets used to this ritual, all sorts of delicious “gratitudes” will pop into your head. Don’t dwell on these things; Just appreciate them and let them flow on. This will keep from stimulating yourself so much that you can’t sleep!!

Morning

1) Drink several glasses of plain water right away. Your body is fairly dehydrated after sleeping.

Make a Happy Hour Ritual. This isn’t about margaritas and it's in the morning, but in the most practical terms, you will create a time to recharge, rejuvenate, and inspire your mindset and joy in a way that transforms your entire week.

2) Meditate (however long you want and can), observing your breath. Open yourself to the “silence” between breaths. Focus with a quiet und clear mind, perhaps one minute, perhaps ten...
Finish the meditation with a short gratitude celebration. (You might try https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYP_W49o1vQ or something from thehonestguys on youtube.)

3) Learn (read for 30 minutes if you can) Focus on growing you as a person. (You might want to share this knowledge with others. Just don’t “force-feed” anybody.)

4) Do yoga or some sort of exercise to get your body revved up. Even if you only do a few stretches and jump up and down a bit, move that body!

5) Journaling: Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper or onto the computer. (Writing down problems by hand, though, seems to be immensely therapeutic.) Document your thoughts, ideas, lessons learned, improvement motivation, etc. This could become one of your most fulfilling habits.

Questions to ask yourself

I don’t do this every day. Several times a year is great for me but you might like to do this ritual more often at first. I find writing the questions and momentary answers conducive to an incredible increase in motivation!

Question1: How can my life get better? finances, relationships, physical condition, spiritual, emotional...

Question2: What are the possibilities to get this ‚better’?

Question3: What would it take for this to happen?

Have a great day!

     

The Power of Ritual: Conquer Procrastination, Time Wasters and Laziness

by Scott H Young

Life is wasted in the in-between times. The time between when your alarm first rings and when you finally decide to get out of bed. The time between when you sit at your desk and when productive work begins. The time between making a decision and doing something about it. Slowly your day is whittled away from all the unused in-between moments.

The solution to reclaim these lost middle moments is by creating rituals. Every culture on earth uses rituals to transfer information and encode behaviors that are deemed important. Personal rituals can help you build a better pattern for handling everything from how you wake up to how you work.

Unfortunately, when most people see rituals, they see pointless superstitions. Indeed, many rituals are based on a primitive understanding of the world. But by building personal rituals, you get to encode the behaviors you feel are important and cut out the wasted middle moments.

Program Your Own Algorithms

Another way of viewing rituals is by seeing them like computer algorithms. An algorithm is a set of instructions that is repeated to get a result. Some algorithms are highly efficient, sorting or searching millions of pieces of data in a few seconds. Other algorithms are bulky and awkward, taking hours to do the same task.

By forming rituals you are building algorithms for your behavior. Take the delayed and painful pattern of waking up, debating whether to sleep in for another two minutes, hitting the snooze button, repeat until almost late for work. This could be reprogrammed to get out of bed immediately, without debating your decision.

How to Form a Ritual

I’ve set up personal rituals for myself for handling e-mail, waking up each morning, writing articles and reading books. Far from making me inflexible, these rituals give me a useful default pattern that works best 99% of the time. Whenever my current ritual won’t work, I’m always free to stop using it.

Forming a ritual isn’t too difficult, and the same principles for changing habits apply:

1.    Write out your sequence of behavior. I suggest starting with a simple ritual of only 3-4 steps maximum. Wait until you’ve established a ritual before you try to add new steps.

2.    Commit to follow your ritual for thirty days. This step will take the idea and condition it into your nervous system as a habit.

3.    Define a clear trigger. When does your ritual start? A ritual to wake up is easy–the sound of your alarm clock will work. As for what triggers you to go to the gym, read a book or answer e-mail, you’ll have to decide.

4.    Tweak the Pattern. Your algorithm probably won’t be perfectly efficient the first time. Making a few tweaks after the first thirty day trial can make your ritual more useful.

Ways to Use a Ritual

Based on the above ideas, here are some ways you could implement your own rituals:

1.    Waking Up. Set up a morning ritual for when you wake up and the next few things you do immediately afterwards. To combat the grogginess after immediately waking up, my solution was to do a few pushups right after getting out of bed. After that, I decided to sneak in ninety minutes of reading before getting ready for morning classes.

2.    Web Usage. How often do you answer e-mail, look at Google Reader or check Facebook each day? I found by taking all my daily internet needs and compressing them into one, highly efficient ritual, I was able to cut of 75% of my web time without losing any communication.

3.    Reading. How much time do you get to read books? If your library isn’t as large as you’d like, you might want to consider the rituals you use for reading. Programming a few steps to trigger yourself to read instead of watching television or during a break in your day can chew through dozens of books each year.

4.    Friendliness. Rituals can also help in communication. Set up a ritual of starting a conversation when you have opportunities to meet people.

5.    Working. One of the hardest barriers when overcoming procrastination is building up a concentrated flow. Building those steps into a ritual can allow you to quickly start working or continue working after an interruption.

6.    Going to the gym. If exercising is a struggle, encoding a ritual can remove a lot of the difficulty. Set up a quick ritual for going to exercise right after work or when you wake up.

7.    Exercise. Even within your workout you can have rituals. Spacing the time between runs or reps with a certain number of breaths can remove the guesswork. Forming a ritual of a doing certain exercises in a particular order can save time.

8.    Sleeping. Form a calming ritual in the last 30-60 minutes of your day before you go to bed. This will help slow yourself down and make falling asleep much easier. Especially if you plan to get up full of energy in the morning it will help if you remove the insomnia.

9.    Weekly Reviews. The weekly review is a big part of the GetThingsDone system. By making a simple ritual checklist for my weekly review I can get the most out of this exercise in less time. Originally I did holistic reviews where I wrote my thoughts on the week and progress as a whole. Now I narrow my focus towards specific plans, ideas and measurements.