Perfect Self-Management in 52 Weeks – Mental Toughness

What separates people who make it through difficult times and the others who break?

I have been doing research on the Navy SEALS training to learn what the candidates do that successfully complete the course. About 75% of the candidates fail. What do the other 25% do and think differently to move themselves to success?

It seems that the successful candidates make use of the Four Pillar Technique. I figure what’s good for them might be helpful to us.

Pillar 1 -  Goal Setting

It is important to establish short-term, mid-term and long-term goals. A successful candidate focuses on what he is actually doing at any one moment, even turning it into a kind of “event” that must be successfully completed. Rather than focusing on how grueling an event is going to be, it helps to focus on one action or task at a time. Avoid letting thoughts wander, concentrate entirely on the activity/task until it is completed. When that is done, focus completely on the next “mini-goal” until achieved.

The secret is to focus completely on the immediate task at hand and also avoid thinking negative thoughts like “I have so much to do. I’m tired already. There’s no way I’ll be able to make it through another hour of this.”

SEAL trainees have been known to keep themselves motivated by convincing themselves “Hang on until lunch” or “Just make it through this ….”. Following this idea, you can break down your difficult days into dozens of separate events starting from the moment you arrive at work (or even the moment you wake up!). You want to end up with specific tasks for short-term action. You need to know exactly what you need to do in the near-term to gain what you want in the long term. Congratulate yourself upon reaching each “mini-goal” – “YES! That’s the way. You are a winner!” This mental reaffirmation gives the courage and self-esteem to go on to the next mini-goal.

Every mini-goal you reach is a “win”.

Instead of focusing on an exceptionally difficult future, we should take it one step at a time, do the best we can on that, congratulate ourselves and move to the next step.

You can take your work toward a degree, a difficult project, a grueling and psychologically intimidating divorce and break it into thousands of “micro-goals”. When you have successfully completed them, you are left standing with the winners.

Studies have shown that this micro-goal technique is effective for people pursuing almost any goal, whether personal (reaching that ideal weight, gaining admission to your favorite university) or professional (being hired by a special company, being selected for a promotion).

Pillar 2 – Mental Imagery

Another technique found to be common among the successful SEAL candidates was the ability to use mental imagery to imagine successfully completing a specific task or challenge. I’ve been teaching this technique for years but have found most people too lethargic to take advantage of it. The brain doesn’t differentiate between intensely imagined activities or actively experienced. Both “count” as successes and trains the brain to move in that desired direction. The majority of my students and clients are impressed by this fact yet don’t use it to their own advantage.

This technique is especially useful for people experiencing anxiety and apprehension relative to a pending event. Just visualize going through the various actions necessary. Imagine what to do to remedy any and all (emergency) situations and problems that might pop up. Do this repeatedly prior to the actual event. Having mentally rehearsed any and all eventualities, you can focus entirely on solving the problem/task at hand while remaining cool and calm.

Develop a script

To take this technique to the next level, write down exactly the way you want to behave and think while in a anxiety-producing situation. Create the scenario as exactly as you can.  Write it down with as much description and as many senses as you can. Add emotions. Bring in adjectives.

Then read it to yourself while experiencing an “inner movie” of the whole scene. This is a story of your day of triumph. Your belief as to the probable outcome of events influences the actual outcome. Imagine yourself solving all the problems and braving the difficulties. If you anticipate a positive outcome, your mind is more likely to interpret events optimistically. This, in turn, convinces the fear-inducing parts of the brain to relax and back off!

Pillar 3 – Self-Talk

By now, most of us know about how important positive and constructive self-talk can be. It can have incredible positive impact, especially during phases of great stress or anxiety. So lofty as is a highly desired goal, prize, outcome, objective or achievement can be, we can get quite unnerved and unfocused.

Tell yourself “I can do this!”, “If I can’t, who can?!”, “I’ll make this into a piece of cake.”.

Pillar 4 – Arousal Control

Remaining cool-headed when anxiety is thrown at us allows us to maintain focus and control. Arousal regulation, also called emotional control, is a cornerstone of mental toughness.

This skill can be improved by relaxation training. Navy Seals use the 4/4 breathing technique: Breath in and fill your lungs on four counts, then breathe out for four counts. Keep doing this until you feel the anxiety flowing out of your body. This is an easy technique to learn and unbelievably effective.

Things will happen to you that you cannot avoid and that you do not want. What you always control is your reaction to these things.

Day 1: What goal motivates you? What is your plan for the future?

Pick your favorite goal and break it down into Stepping Stones and Milestones. Stepping Stones are the mini-goals you need to reach to achieve a Milestone, Milestones are major sequential achievements leading closer to greater goal or outcome.

For instance, I have an outcome of weighing 125 pounds. Mostly to avoid the diabetes that is so prevalent in my family.

Outcome: weigh 125 pounds
Stepping Stone: eat either a nourishing soup or salad every day.
Stepping Stone: Some form of exercise every day, preferably in the morning.
Stepping Stone: Ban snacks and sweets from the flat.
Stepping Stone: If it is after 6 PM, then I will not eat carbohydrate-heavy foods.
Stepping Stone: If it is Thursday, then I will fast.
Stepping Stone: Only shop when not hungry!

Milestone: break 60 kilo!! (135 pounds)
Milestone: consistent normal blood pressure

Milestone: BMI of 21

Milestone: Be able to consistently walk by all snacks and chocolate without a twinge of desire.

Milestone: fit easily into a size 6 (38 German size) This is not a health milestone but a really-nice-to-have by-product!

Now you try it. Break down your long-range goal (outcome) into Stepping Stones and Milestones. Work on a Stepping Stone today.

Exercise is the paramount mental toughness booster. Go for a quick walk during lunch break.

Day 2: Write out a script where you reach your goal. You might write out episodes where you are enjoying working on the stepping stones.

Read the script out loud. See the outcome as an inner film in action and Technicolor! Feel what you’ll feel when you reach the goal. Describe the actions with verbs, adjectives and adverbs-

Think of a symbol that represents the whole picture. This can be a “snapshot” or an object. It might be a word. Something that stands for your success. Think of this symbol often today. Visualize your script before you fall asleep tonight.

You might decide on some physical reminders of your goal that instantly bring your success image to mind. Integrate them into your routine in an inevitable way.

Exercise is the paramount mental toughness booster. Go for a quick walk up and down some steps during lunch break.

Day 3: Today is your positive self-talk day. If you catch yourself thinking something negative or self-defeating, stop, change your posture, maybe even stand up and walk around quickly. You must break the pattern of negative thinking.

What sentences motivate and empower you? Write them on sticky notes, post them everywhere, say them, sing them! Do this often during the day.

How do you feel at the end of the day?

Exercise is the paramount mental toughness booster. Use the wall for stand-up push-ups during a break. Ten squats on top of that would be wonderful.

Day 4: How can you become an expert in the areas surrounding your goal? Write down as many as you can think of. What skills do you need for the goal (or to reach it)? What strengths do you have that you can hone? Find out the specific skills and strengths you need for your goal. How can you improve them even further?

Exercise is the paramount mental toughness booster. Go for a quick walk during lunch break.

Day 5: A variation of breathing exercise above is the following: Inhale slowly and comfortably until the count of six. Hold for two seconds and then exhale slowly for six counts. Repeat until you feel calm.

Today, practice this exercise for 1-2 minutes at least once every hour. Set a timer or an alarm.

Have I mentioned that exercise is the paramount mental toughness booster? Go for a quick walk during lunch break.

Time goes by so fast when you’re having fun! Didn’t the week just zip by? Have a good weekend and come back Monday. We still have lots to try out.