Rituals & Routines for an optimal life

The words routine and ritual are sometimes used interchangeably. Yet there are some important differences.

Routines are repeated, predictable events that provide a foundation for the daily tasks in a person’s life.

Rituals can be defined as special actions that help us navigate emotionally important events or transitions in our lives as well as enhance aspects of our daily routines to deepen our connections and relationships.

What you do on a daily basis is what creates the life you live.

However, we often take these daily activities for granted; they become a routine that we repeat over and over again without even thinking, and we rarely take the time to reflect on these daily patterns and how they might be influencing us.

Write out a complete list of your daily routines, categorize them based on different aspects of your life, and then use this list to become more aware of your “positive” and “negative” habits. Which routines serve you well?

Here are guidelines to follow while creating an outline of your daily routines:

• Start from the very beginning of your day. The first item on your list should be “Wake up.” Think also of your routine for getting out of bed. Do you hit that snooze button 3 times before you really get serious about getting to work on time?
• Write out every activity, however small or insignificant it may seem. For example, the next items in your routine may be “Make my bed,” “Go to the bathroom,” “Take a shower,” “Get dressed,” etc.
• Finish at the very end of your day. The last item on your list should be “Go to sleep.” Before that, you’ve written your routine for getting yourself “in the mood” to sleep. How do you calm your mind so that you can sink into blissful sleep? Some walk the dog, meditate, complete a hygiene routine and read something light before turning out the lamp.
• The order doesn’t have to be perfect – we all have a little variation from day to day – but try your best to come up with a rough outline of your “average day” from start to finish.
• Repeat activities that you do more than once per day. It’s repetitive but it makes your outline more accurate.
• Also include activities that you may not do every single day, but at least 2-4 times a week.
• Once you’re done, go back to each activity and categorize it based on what area of your life that activity influences:
• Health
• Work
• Leisure
• Relationships
• Personal
• Organisation
• Fitness
• Nutrition

(List two categories if you think an activity fulfills multiple areas.)

• Next, go back to each activity and choose the type of influence you think it has on your life:
• Positive
• Negative
• Neutral
• Now, go back to each activity and decide if it’s something you want to do more, less, or the same.
• Make a “+” next to activities you want to do more.
• Make a “-” next to activities you want to do less.
• Make a “=” next to activities you want to keep the same.
• Review your complete routine and think of 2-3 activities that aren’t listed which you would like to do more of. List them below your routine with “+” next to them.

This exercise will give you a clearer idea on how you spend your time each and every day. This awareness will at least be a good first step in making some positive changes in your life.

After making a list of my own daily routine, I discovered a couple ways I can really improve:

• There is one negative activity under “Nutrition” that I do most days that I really want to do less of.
• My routine also needs more positive activities under the “Organisation” and “Leisure” categories. One of them is going to be "Organize one small thing every day". I could straighten a shelf, put away my seminar materials after use, cleaning the kitchen after cooking...
• With Leisure, I need to make sure I take some!!

I love to read how authors structure their day with routines and rituals. Haruki Murakami explains:

"When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind."

William Gibson tells the Paris Review in 2011:

“When I’m writing a book I get up at seven. I check my e-mail and do Internet ablutions, as we do these days. I have a cup of coffee. Three days a week, I go to Pilates and am back by ten or eleven. Then I sit down and try to write. If absolutely nothing is happening, I’ll give myself permission to mow the lawn. But, generally, just sitting down and really trying is enough to get it started. I break for lunch, come back, and do it some more. And then, usually, a nap. Naps are essential to my process. Not dreams, but that state adjacent to sleep, the mind on waking.

[…]

As I move through the book it becomes more demanding. At the beginning, I have a five-day workweek, and each day is roughly ten to five, with a break for lunch and a nap. At the very end, it’s a seven-day week, and it could be a twelve-hour day.

Toward the end of a book, the state of composition feels like a complex, chemically altered state that will go away if I don’t continue to give it what it needs. What it needs is simply to write all the time. Downtime other than simply sleeping becomes problematic. I’m always glad to see the back of that.”

Success is rarely an accident!

Rituals

The difference between a routine and a ritual is not necessarily the action, but the attitude behind the action.

To many, a routine is getting up every morning, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, and going to work. It is not a meaningful part of our day, but it needs to get done so we do it. And if we do the wrong routines, our life suffers.

On the other hand, rituals are viewed as more meaningful practices. Often, there is symbolism involved, and a real sense of purpose. A big part of it is your subjective experience of the activity.

I used to have a ritual of reading to my children before they went to sleep (or were supposed to!). It created a closeness that I still feel.

My ritual of starting the day with meditation and yoga sets me up for a calm beginning. My ritual of writing this blog gives me something to think about and improve. Research from positive psychology and happiness studies have shown the value of a gratitude journal or a form of thankfulness each day.

So, what is that we need? The twin powers of routine and ritual. Nourishing and supportive routines help frame our lives. Rituals remind us of our own values, our desire to connect with what is important for us, and the feeling of being in control.

The word “routine” can seem incredibly stiff and boring, but good routines are neither.

Rather than stifling your creativity, routines are about managing your energy effectively in order to channel it toward your real desires and purpose. So you don't need to "re-invent the wheel" each day!

Our daily actions are what create our life, so by creating nourishing and supportive routines, we are choosing to fuel our days and nourish our spirits. 

We all need daily time-outs, an excuse to stop and take a moment to celebrate, connect, honor and recognize the different aspects of our lives. This is where ritual comes in.

Rituals offer us compassionate discipline where we focus our attention and energy on achieving a certain feeling. They will ground us regardless of what’s happening around us.

Extraordinary routines require minimum engagement in order to let us achieve productive results. Rituals are celebratory, meaningful, and require us to be completely engaged—even if it’s only for two minutes.