Good Habits are an important key

Habits that help

The key seems to be: Know your vision for each part of your house or apartment. In an ideal world, what would be in each room (and what not!!)? What activities go on there?

If your vision of an office is a place to sit down, pay the bills, do some research on the internet, perhaps write your book, read/sort/ and act on the mail, what is keeping you from doing so?

If your vision of your bedroom is a haven of peace and intimacy, what is coming between you and that dream? What do you need to do and/or get rid of to make this vision reality?

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

De-cluttering isn't only about throwing things away. It is also about developing habits that keep the hard-won beauty in tact. Yes, at first it is all about discipline. Making yourself put the keys in the same container EVERY time you let go of them. Putting the dishes into the dishwasher when finished using them. Putting the dirty clothes into the hamper immediately after taking them off. ETC.!

I'm so giddy with my newfound organization (read: freedom) that I'm tempted to do two shows nightly: "Step right up! Ask the lady of the house where anything is! Anything at all! Keys? No problem! They are always in the same place. The bill for the new rug? Already paid! No object too big, no object too small. She'll have it in her hands in less than one minute flat!"

It will definitely be difficult to change all bad habits at once. Try one habit-tweak at a time. Focus on ONE change for thirty days. This is the boot camp for habit change.

Using a trigger will help you remember your goal. A trigger is a ritual you generally perform anyway but can be used as a link to the new habit. Like walking with the dishes back into the kitchen could be used as a trigger for placing the dishes into the dish washer.

Of course, if your change creates more pain than joy, it is going to be pure drudgery to stick to. You may not find a gym appealing but a lovely, fast-paced walk through the park pleasant. If your goal is to become fitter, this is a great plan. Walk every day at the same time, if possible. After a while, you've conditioned yourself to walk when this time comes around. It will feel odd not to do your walking.

Writing down your commitment creates more clarity by specifically defining what your change should be and what it means to you. Also, you will remember your new habit if you read the promise you wrote down.

Why not try getting a little leverage by betting you can establish your habit with your best friend or partner. Pick out a way to reward yourself after the first 30 days and then another after the first 100 days. Make a public commitment to everyone you know if you have to. It makes you more accountable.

Mentally preparing for surprises is incredibly important. Use the "if-then" formula: If ....... happens, then I'll .......
If I buy something new, then I'll find a home for it. (No, the floor, garage, attic don't count!)
If I buy a new _______, then I'll get rid of something.
Imagine the surprise happening (this is called visualization) and experience yourself going through with your plan.

Wise Words from Oprah

"Over time your sense of self evolves. Hopefully, you grow into a deeper, more thoughtful version of who you are. Your need to please falls away and what is left is the blessed realization that you really don't have anything to prove to anyone.

 At a certain point, you buy the shoes and pocketbook that feel right, instead of the ones that will impress people. You opt for muted tones that flow from one room to the next, you choose the sofa that makes you want to curl up with a good book on a Sunday afternoon, and create a space that makes your friends stop remarking on the exquisite art and start talking the night away. You let go of the cold stone floors that felt wrong from the start, and at long last you come home to floors made of old oak, floors that feel warm beneath your feet and bring peace and joy with every step forward you take."

Those are exactly the steps I'm taking now. 

Stay tuned.…

Does a poverty-mentality lead to amassing stuff?

Does a poverty-mentality lead to amassing stuff?

February 10, 2013

Poverty mentality is a mindset that people develop over time based on a strong belief that they will never have enough - things, money, friends, etc. This mindset is driven by fear and can cause poor financial decision-making.

It might lead to amassing things than we can afford, just to show others. 


Why do so many people who win the lottery end up broke or bankrupt a few years later? They have poverty mentality. They did not change their attitude about money. In many cases, they had been poor, they thought they could buy the things the rich have and then be one of them. The rich have a financial plan and it isn't the lottery!

We may be earning lots of money, but without the right attitude and solid knowledge, it will slip through our fingers. 
Reminds me of the coupon queens who buy 100 rolls of toilet paper or bottles of shampoo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mofL1xgyjPQ

What prevents us from letting things go?

Subconsciously, we believe that somehow our attachment to stuff will meet our needs; however, it is the act of holding on, and the fantasy that accompanies it, that keeps us from moving forward.

I want to
-let go of guilty feelings
    1) because I didn't use the things I bought
    2) because I've had to store the stuff that is now gathering dust
    3) because I am paying for space I don't actually need to store the stuff
-let go of illusions, like the projects that aren't moving or never even got started
-let go before I suffocate.



Buying things comforts and compensates for feelings of inadequacy.


Karen McCall writes in her book, Financial Recovery, “I’ve observed that chronic overspending comes from a deep internal state of longing. The overspender keeps trying to fill an emotional void by buying things.”

Ownership of goods promotes feelings of security. Ergo, increasing a person's sense of security and self-worth should reduce the value they place on possessions. People who feel loved and accepted by others place a lower (monetary) value on their possessions than people who do not.

The motivational speaker Zig Ziglar believed the ones who break out of poverty and really succeed are those who use what they do have, are grateful for what they do have and most of all aren't jealous of what others have. Basically, it's an attitude of self-belief and empowerment rather than one of self-pity and jealousy that is thought to combat the destructive poverty mentality.

But what if you "inherit" and keep things for sentimental reasons?


Of course it is difficult to let go, but there are several things to know about our relationship between memories and possessions:

1. We are not our stuff. We are more than our possessions.
2. Our memories are not under our beds. Memories are within us, not within our things.
3. An item that is sentimental for us can be an item that is useful for someone else.
4. Holding on to stuff weighs on us mentally and emotionally. Letting go is freeing.
5. We can take pictures of items we want to remember.
6. Old photographs can be scanned. In our computer, the pictures never cry out to us to be pasted in the 50th scrapbook. But they can delight us as a screen-saver.

I think the perniciousness of sentimental items—and sentimentality in general—is subtle. If you want to get rid of an item but the only reason you are holding on to it is for sentimental reasons—if it is weighing on you—then perhaps it’s time to get rid of it, perhaps it is time to free yourself of the weight. 

Need for Abundance 
Did you grow up with scarce resources and feel like you never had "enough" (money, clothes, food, attention, or love)? If so, possessing large quantities of stuff now, as an adult, is probably comforting. It gives you a sense of fullness, comfort, and security while the idea of a spare, clutter-free environment makes you feel anxious and empty.

Solution: Instead of fighting your personality and forcing yourself to throw things out— celebrate the abundance by organizing everything you own. Once everything is accessible and orderly, it may be easier for you to see what's truly excess and part with items bit by bit. No matter what, you'll have the chance to enjoy your belongings, instead of feeling lost under them.

Mess causes Stress

The dangerous “I might need this” excuse

January 9, 2013

Triumph! All the old magazines are gone!! I hadn’t even looked at them since I placed them in special binders, thinking how organized I was.

And I tossed (unseen) all of my audio cassettes. I just saved one that my grandmother spoke on. That is a treasure for me. Better grab a handful of tissues before I listen to that.

I have given lots of clothes to the needy, toys to my students, books and office stuff to schools. If I donate, I feel better than if I just toss.

And, even though I don’t earn lots of money, Amazon is an easy place to sell my books. It is a no-brainer.

My cleaning lady manages much better now. Not having to lift tons of junk off every surface saves cleaning time. I give her a lot of stuff, too. She is used to cleaning it!

I have decided to sell a vintage Sunbonnet Sue quilt as well as three lovely carpets. One of them is silk and I lugged the thing back from Morocco. Still…

My walk-in closet has gone from being a “stumble-in” to an organized storage room for my clothes, shoes and purses. Nonetheless, I need to purge quite a bit more.

I was thinking about all the (dumb) reasons, er, ah, oh well, EXCUSES (THERE! I’ve said it.) I’ve used to avoid confronting my stuff. Some of my best ones are:

“I might need it”

“It was expensive”

“I’ll surely have time for this project one day”

“I don’t have the time right now”

“I am too stressed”

“It could be important”

“My house/flat/hut is just too small”

“But it belonged to my Mom/Dad/Aunt/pet dog!”

“My husband/wife is a pack rat”

?????

It is not the stuff itself but how we think about our stuff that causes problems.

I used things to prove that I’d “made it”, especially after my separation. During my marriage, I had the feeling my husband was the more important one. I used all my earnings to buy things for the kids, the house and even shirts for my husband. See everyone, I am important too because I pay for the household things.

After I had separated and my husband ‘couldn’t remember’ my contributions, I subconsciously wanted to show the world that I could start from scratch and become financially independent. The material proof of that was my stuff. Lots of it.

Now, after being separated for twenty years, I don’t need to prove myself. I probably never did.

Why does mess lead to stress? 

1) Clutter bombards our minds with excessive stimuli (visual, olfactory, tactile), causing our senses to work overtime on stimuli that aren't necessary or important.
2) Clutter distracts us by drawing our attention away from what our focus should be on.
3) Clutter makes it more difficult to relax, both physically and mentally.
4) Clutter constantly signals to our brains that our work is never done.
5) Clutter makes us anxious because we're never sure what it's going to take to get through to the bottom of the pile.
6) Clutter creates feelings of guilt ("I should be more organized") and embarrassment, especially when others unexpectedly drop by our homes or work spaces. 
7) Clutter inhibits creativity and productivity by invading the open spaces that allow most people to think, brain storm, and problem solve.
8) Clutter frustrates us by preventing us from locating what we need quickly (e.g. files and paperwork lost in the "pile" or keys swallowed up by the clutter). Even just 5 minutes a day of time wasted dealing with clutter adds up to over 30 hours a year!!

"Storing" things on open shelves, on top of your desk or on tables does not remove visual stimuli that create stress and lessen the amount of open space that your mind "sees." Studies have shown that clutter is confusing to the brain and demands „processing“ energy. Clutter is an energy-drain. According to the principles of Feng Shui, clutter drains you of your positive energy. You can actually feel it.

De-clutter your primary work space before you leave it. It's normal to pull things out while you're working in a space, but make a habit of cleaning off your work space before you go. Not only will this give you a sense of closure when you leave, it will also make you feel good when you return to a nice, clean space. 

Only 25 percent of garages have enough room to store cars , according to a new book called 'Life at Home in the 21st Century'.

Of the 32 middle-class families from Los Angeles who were studied for the book, only one-quarter could use their garage to store their cars since they were so packed with unused junk.

“I would say absolutely, the problem of clutter has gotten much worse,” said Jean Arnold, an anthropologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, and co-author of the book. “We suddenly have 30 rolls of paper towels taking up space where bikes should be in the garage.”

And that phenomenon has led to increases in our levels of stress hormones. Arnold’s team of researchers had mothers walk around their homes with video cameras describing various rooms, and they also measured the women’s stress hormone levels. Mothers who described their home offices, bedrooms, and pantries as “complete disaster zones” had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who identified their spaces as restful and spacious.

“We were able to identify a troubling health trend,” said Arnold. “The physiological stress that occurs among women who see their homes as cluttered may have some long-term health consequences.”

The very act of deciding what to throw out and what to retain can be extremely anxiety-provoking for the 2 to 4 percent of American adults who have hoarding disorder -- they can have ceiling-high piles of everyday stuff like newspapers, junk mail, and old clothes. A brain imaging study published this week in the Archives of General Psychiatry found that individuals with this diagnosis experienced hyperactivity in certain brain regions responsible for decision-making whenever they had to decide which possessions to discard.

Those without hoarding disorder had far lower levels of brain activation in these regions and hence, had an easier time determining what stuff to trash. (So, more than 95 percent of us have no excuse.)

So what’s holding us back? Perhaps feeling overwhelmed about where to start. Peter Walsh, a professional organizer and author of It’s All Too Much, provides a great game plan.

1. Instead of focusing on stuff, determine what you want from a particular room. “From that point on,” said Walsh, “ask yourself whether the items in this room help you create that vision.” If you want your bedroom to be a room of intimacy, tranquility, and restfulness, the computer and desk filled with bills don’t belong there.

2. Create clear zones of what you want in a particular space. “If it’s an office, zones may be your work space, library area for book storage, and an area for kids to do their homework,” said Walsh. If you have these zones, you’ll be able to set clear limits. If this book shelf is where books live, you can’t put toys on it. “And if it’s designed to hold 100 books, and you have 101, you need to get rid of one.”

3. When you bring a new object into the house, follow the one-in, one-out rule. Buy a new pair of shoes? Get rid of an old pair. Ditto for cellphones, toys, and laptops. 

4. Always finish the cycle. Just as a wash left for three days in the machine will stink when the clothes are finally moved to the dryer, your house will take on the “odor” of clutter if you interrupt your organization midcycle by throwing the mail on the kitchen counter to sort through later or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. “The moment you use the word "later", you’ve lost the battle,” said Walsh.

5. Try the trash bag tango. Get everyone in the house to grab two trash bags -- one for stuff to throw out or recycle such as old mail, food containers, and newspapers, and one for stuff to donate. Set a kitchen timer for 10 minutes and attack a room. Making a game of it will make it feel less like a chore.

6. Take advantage of tax deductions for motivation. Here’s an easy way to figure out where to donate all the stuff you’re getting rid of: Google the word “donate” along with the object you’d like to donate and the city you’re in to get a full list of organizations willing to take the used hubcaps or old TV off your hands.

Questions to help point out the weak spots

Questions to help point out the weak spots

February 3, 2013

It takes time to get accustomed to the concept that if you don’t use it, if it’s not part of your life, if it doesn’t serve your goals and mirror your values, then it is just a waste of space.

I have found the last month on my downsizing campaign something between exhilaration and embarrassment. I know I should pat myself on the back for what I have managed up until now. Still, I often am confronted with one of my weaknesses, meaning well, and it makes me feel ashamed. I bought books, supplies, equipment, etc., because I was enthusiastic about some new idea or project. What was I thinking?! Nobody has that much time! 

I lacked commitment. If I had been committed, I would have found the time.

Peter Walsh asks some questions in his Workbook "It's All Too Much" which I answered with considerable chagrin. (But I did buy the book as a Kindle version. No clutter there.)

“Do you feel comfortable having people visit your home?”

Visitors?! Here?! Well, I keep the living room presentable and nail all the other doors shut. But the guest toilet is okay and smells clean (toilet perfume).

“Do you need to clear off the kitchen counter to prepare a meal?”

Ahhm, I checked and I do have counters in there. And there is nothing on them that a hefty shove into a Dempster-Dumpster wouldn't clear.

“Are the small appliances that you rarely, if ever, use on the counter or in a cupboard?”

The Cousinart has been up in a high cupboard for years. RIP Cousinart. And an ice-cream-maker.

“Could you have a party without cleaning up first?”

I did that for my last party eight years ago. That really helped me downsize my friends right quick!

“Do you have a stash of plastic bags that seems to grow daily?”

Well, yes. I was wondering if I needed to build a pantry for my pantry – just to hold the bags.

Chuck that idea.

“Do your clothes fit in your closet?”

Sure they do. But I can’t get them out because they are packed so close. Oh, I just checked the walk-in-closet. There ARE several containers of THANGS in there. Uh, and the shoes without a home. Mmmm, and the sport bag. And…

“Do you regularly misplace your car keys or checkbook.”

A hardy NO! to that question. At least I am okay on something.

“Can you work at your desk?”

Sort of. I am using my lap at the moment. Good things, these notebooks. My lap is pretty free of clutter.

“Where are this month’s bills?”

Paid. I am a bit of a hoarder, not a self-management flop.

“When was the last time you used your dining room table for dining?”

My daughter did mention at our last dinner here that she felt like she was eating in a jungle. Must be all the plants I store on the table. I probably should give them away when they bloom but by that time, I feel like I deserve a reward for all my tender, loving care.

When I give my daughter or neighbor blooming orchids, they bring them back when the blooms have dropped! Because “I have a way with plants"!

“Do you have to remove laundry, toys, and/or children to get to your bed?”

All of the above. Except for the children. Mine left home just in time.

“How many magazines do you have in the house?”

Oh, great. That is my Achilles heel. Does he mean the ones from 1999 or 2000?

“How many catalogs do you have in the house? Where are they?"

I did well on this one. I throw catalogs away as soon as I get them. If I look through them, I am a goner and somebody other than me makes money.

And I bribe the boy who sticks advertisements in my mailbox. Don’t even think about it or “I keel you!”.

“Is there laundry waiting to be put away?”

You mean the clothes I’ve been moving from the dryer, to the bed, to the table, and back to the bed?

“Is your floor clear of papers, toys, magazines, newspapers, shoes, clothes?”

Got me again. No newspapers, though. I cancelled my subscription years ago because the things stacked up unread.

Well, those questions sobered me up plenty. At least I am still working the 100-day-challenge. Toss one thing every day.

My aunt was wondering if the place looks empty yet.

Not in this life!