Saturday, December 3, 2016

The Butterfly Effect

Each year, when January 1st rolls around, people resolve to stop smoking, start exercising, get more sleep, get more done, stop procrastinating, eat more vegetables, and (insert your favorite perennial goal here).

And, here we are in December again, racing around (or maybe not?) with Xmas stress, getting “just this last thing” done.

What if this New Year, you just don’t give up? What if you stuck to your New Year’s resolutions until they become positive habits, and then become an even better version of YOU.

Regular training (carrying out your resolution) leads to changes in the parts of the brain that are challenged by the training. The brain adapts to these challenges by rewiring itself in ways that increase its ability to carry out the functions required by the challenges.

But the cognitive and physical changes caused by training require upkeep. Become irregular or stop training all together, and they start to go away.

The reason that most people don’t possess extraordinary capabilities isn’t because they don’t have the capacity for them, but rather because they are satisfied to live in the comfortable rut of homeostasis (same ol’ same ol’), and never do the work that is required to get out of it. They live in the ho-hum world of “adequate”. We learn enough to get by in our day-to-day lives, but once we reach that point, we seldom push to go beyond ‘good enough’. We do very little that challenges our brains to develop new gray matter or to rewire entire sections.

It’s comfortable that way.

Doing the same thing over and over again in exactly the same way is not a recipe for improvement; it is a recipe for stagnation and gradual decline. Unless you are doing things specifically designed to improve, trying harder will not get you very far. Willpower will drift away.

Yet it’s important to remember that the option exists. If you wish to become significantly better at something, you can. If you want to lose weight and keep it off, never give up. Do you want to become really good at golf or tennis? Find a coach, do what he says, and practice a lot. Never give up.

The goal is not just to reach your potential, but to build and extend it, to make things possible that were not possible before. This requires challenging homeostasis – getting out of your comfort zone - and forcing your brain and your body to adapt.

Remember the Butterfly Effect, which is the idea, that small causes may have large effects.

Get out there and beat with your wings. Just don’t stop.

Reading Suggestion:  ‘Peak’ by K. Anders Ericsson


Saturday, November 19, 2016

The Importance of Being Patient

FRUSTRATION HAPPENS. 
Every morning, noon, and night there are plenty of good reasons to be impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. The car in front of you is driving too slowly. The line at McDonalds is long and the lady at the cash register is slow. Rejection. Disappointment. How are you going to come to grips with it all? 

You can drive yourself wild, behave angrily, feel ill-treated, or try to force your will upon others -- all self-defeating reactions that alienate people and bring out the worst in them. 

Or, you can learn to transform frustration with patience.

Impatience is a central component of impulsiveness. Impatient behavior relates on decision-making tasks to changes in connectivity within the brain’s frontostriatal circuitry. Study results suggest that impatience can result from (i) disregard of future outcomes and/or (ii) oversensitivity to immediate rewards, but it is not known which of these evaluative processes underlie developmental changes. That is, impatient people are less aware of how their present behavior influences the future, especially in younger people.

Impatience is a feeling of agitation and intolerance triggered when your needs aren’t met; it’s tied to an inability to delay gratification. We’ve become accustomed to immediate results. Emails beam across the globe in seconds. Moms text messages to their kids to come in for dinner instead of calling from the front door. You can get the temperature in Bangkok or the Maui surf report with a swipe of the finger. Despite the digital age’s wonders, it has propagated an attitude with low tolerance for aggravation --not just when you accidentally delete a computer file, but in terms of how you approach relationships with others and with yourself. Without patience, you turn into your own (and others) worst taskmaster.

Patience doesn’t make you a doormat or unable to set boundaries with people. Rather, it lets you discern the situation to get a larger, more calm view to determine appropriate action.

Emotional Action Step: Self-Awareness

Try to practice self-awareness in those moments where you feel the greatest need for patience.
  • Pay attention to what arises in you
  • Notice where you feel the stress
  • Listen to your thoughts
  • Take note of your emotions
  • Which need is not being met at this time?
Emotional Action Step: Practice Patience In A Long Line
To turn the tables on impatience, find a long, slow-moving line to wait in. It might even “find” you! Perhaps in the grocery store, bank, post office, on the highway to work. Here’s the key: Instead of getting irritated or pushy, which taxes your system with a rush of stress hormones, take a breath. Breathe out slowly. Repeat. Tell yourself, “I’m going to wait calmly and enjoy the break.” Meanwhile, try to empathize with the overwrought cashier or sluggish employee. Smile and say a few nice words to the harried people in line. Use the time to daydream; take a vacation from work or other obligations. Notice the stress release you feel, how your body relaxes. Lines are an excellent strengthening ground for patience. To reinforce this asset, remain standing in as much as possible.

Practicing patience will help you dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not behave rashly out of impatience, all areas of your life will improve. Patience is really more of a skill—one that can be learned yet needs constant nurturing.


Regardless of what other people do or think, you have a choice in how you allow it to affect you. Your mind may leap to negative perceptions and reactions, your body may almost certainly register a response, but you are the source of it all. Ultimately you can tap into your stillness, your special peace.

Om...


Bildergebnis für om

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Steps to Real Awesomeness

Pick Your One Thing

Most of us overestimate our awesomeness. And, if we are lucky enough to get competent feedback, we feel defensive.

Maybe we should be thankful.

To become your “Best Self”, you need people who are aware of your weaknesses or bad habits and are willing to help you view a potential blind spot.

Once you get the truth, what do you do?

Prepare a hierarchy list of behaviors you would like to improve. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. One the left side, put down all the skills you want to improve. On the right side, on a scale of one to ten, write down (for each skill) how much more awesome your life and/or work would be if you really improved at it.

Then start with the skill sporting the highest number and get to work. Get books, get help, get a coach, take a seminar… Do everything you can think of to improve just this One Thing.

Years ago, I did this with procrastination and I worked on this one thing faithfully. Now, I rarely, if ever, put things off.  If I do, it is a strategic decision and has everything to do with priorities.

Now, I am working on Emotional Resilience.  If someone insults me or treats me badly, I am learning to let go of it. I don’t want to drag the bad feeling with me all day and evening. I don’t want to lose sleep because of it or wake in the middle of the night with “the perfect retort” I should have shot back.  If it isn’t something I need to resolve like a conflict with family or at work, it needs to be out of my life.

What is your ONE THING? What are you going to do starting today to make you splendid in this skill? Imagine how your life is when your are awesome at this ONE THING. Practice daily!! Don’t give up. Excellence is not inborn. You earn it through daily practice.

Plan what you are going to do toward this goal every day. Jump out of bed each morning, raise your arms up toward the sky and say:

“Today I’ll work on getting excellent at my ONE THING!”

And then do it.


Sunday, October 9, 2016

Compensating Unmet Needs


Compensating Unmet Needs

It’s been a long time since I wrote in this blog. Not that nothing was going on. TOO much was going on!

I went over to Florida to sign at the closing of my house. The evening before the closing, I was informed that the lady buying the house hadn’t gotten her (second!) mortgage after all. So I waited for two more weeks, the lady finally got her mortgage but I had to leave before the closing. So I spent several thousand dollars for plane fare and food, and to live in hotels for, well, nothing. I could have done the closing from Germany.

Back in Germany, I started a very intense period of seminar and piano teaching, leading up to now. Add two courses in painting to that. Too little fitness training. It was exhausting! Who was it who said to downsize too many activities so life could be fully savored? Oh, was it I?!

In between all that, I proofread my newest book and was amazed at the mistakes still in it. I did this three times but still there were mistakes! Even some new ones! Now, my publisher informs me that she has sold the business and the new owners have decided to put off the launch of the book until March 2017! It's been at the publishers since 2011 and they are putting off the launch!! I'm flabbergasted!

I ordered a Murphy bed to sleep in when my airbnb guests use my bedroom. It finally came and I finally found someone to put it together. Five hours later, the bed was together but the bed “door” or flap didn’t fit snugly into the frame. I can’t send the bed back so now I’m trying to organize the repairs. Wouldn’t it be lovely if things fit the way they should?

To prepare for the new bed, I needed to clear out two metal shelves full of seminar materials and books. Some courses I haven’t given in years yet I hadn’t “gotten around to” downsizing the materials – that is – throwing the junk away. I had papers and books everywhere, which made me feel uncomfortable and slightly anxious most of the time. I put the two shelves into the kitchen and filled them with present seminar materials and cooking equipment. Now I have the most intellectual kitchen going!

I’ve joined Weight Watchers to get help in downsizing my kilos. Now I look at food and say “No, that is 17 points (Big Mac). I only get 30 all day".  I realized that stress eating was going to get me into trouble and I needed help with the journey to my healthy weight or I’d end up with diabetes like the rest of the women in my family. I’m good at not spending more than I have so this system fits right into that strength.

It’s funny how we compensate unmet needs with unhealthy behavior. Why can’t it be “I am feeling stressed out tonight. Think I’ll chomp into a crunchy cucumber.”??!

The Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler (1870-1937) found that if a person feels inferior, or weak, he is likely to try to compensate to hide the weakness, by doing something else really well. Well, I snack "really well" in the evening. And eat cookies "pretty well" during the day. ;-)
Basic Human Emotional Needs
Here are some of the basic human emotional needs expressed as feelings. While all humans share these needs, each differs in the strength of the need, just as some of us need more water, more food or more sleep.
One person may need more freedom and independence, another may need more security and social connections. When a person's natural emotional needs are met, healthy behavior naturally follows.
In various degrees, each according to his or her own unique nature, we each have a natural emotional need to feel:
accepted
acknowledged 
admired 
appreciated
approved of
believed in
capable 
cared about
challenged 
clear (not confused) 
competent 
confident 
forgiven
forgiving 
free 
fulfilled
heard
helped
helpful
important 
in control
included 
listened to 
loved 
needed 
noticed 
powerful 

The positive sides of compensation 
Compensation works as a coping strategy that can cover up real or imagined deficiencies. While negative compensation can make problems even worse, positive compensation may help a person overcome personal difficulties. If compensation is dealt with in a healthy manner it can be a positive and valuable force, thus leading to personal growth. In such cases compensation, and the coping strategies aimed at achieving personal goals, could be of great value both for the individual and for society
Too much of anything is a false fix for unmet needs. You need to find out 1)what do you need but aren't experiencing and 2) find healthy ways to meet that need.
Now, I’m sitting in my hotel room in Hildesheim, relaxing after breakfast. It’s time for a break. This little town has a few sights that I’ve wanted to see for a long time. In the end, it wasn’t as spectacular as expected, yet nice. Later, I’ll drive to Worpswede, an artist’s village close to Bremen. There, I’ll take part in a painting course for five days and rejuvenate after the past months.

And reflect on ways to ease my perceived stress with other ways than unhealthy ones. ;-D


Saturday, September 3, 2016

The Three Levels of Clutter


Convinced your clutter is the result of your own sloppiness, laziness, or incompetence? Not true! Thinking that way inaccurately puts the blame and shame on you—and prevents you from finding the right solution. Most people desperately want to get organized, but are held back by hidden obstacles they don't understand. Clutter is actually caused on three different levels.

Level 1: Technical Problems

All messes can be attributed to at least one technical problem. Technical problems are simple mistakes in your organizing system that can be as easy to fix as changing a light bulb.Try these solutions.

Items Have No Home

Simply put, you can't put things away if there's no place to put them. If items are piles all over the place, it is likely that you never designated a particular spot for them. In other words, the item has no "home."
Solution: Take the time to assign each item a single, consistent home, e.g. hats always go in this basket; scissors always go in this drawer. Label everything so you'll always remember where it belongs and easily find it when you need it.

More Stuff Than Space

If your closets, drawers, cabinets and shelves are all packed full—and you still have lots of surface piles—you've got more stuff than storage space.
Solution: You've got two options: (1) Lighten your load, or (2) Add more storage space. Make sure you're using the space you do have as efficiently as possible. Find hidden pockets of storage between cabinet shelves spaced too far apart, under the hanging clothes in your closet, on the insides of closet doors. Maximize vertical wall space and look for dual function furniture (end tables, coffee tables and ottomans) items that feature storage.

Storage Is Inconvenient

Is it too much of an ordeal to put things away? If you have to go climb a ladder, move a piece of furniture out of the way, or cross the length of your house just to put something away—you'll never do it.
Solution: Store things where you use them to make them easily accessible. For example, if you do your bills in the kitchen, store your financial files and calculator there, not in the spare bedroom upstairs. Look for where your piles are and create storage there.

Organizing Is Boring

Lets' face it—organizing and putting things away everyday is a dull, repetitive chore.
Solution: Make it more appealing and fun by adding a sense of personal style. Get containers you love instead of withering baskets, broken-filing cabinets and leftover moving boxes. Don't underestimate the power of pizzazz—it can make a big difference in whether you feel inspired to use and maintain your organizing system.

Level 2: External Realities

These are environmental forces that limit how organized you can be. Recognizing them empowers you to address the true source of the problem, and stop feeling like there's something wrong with you. Identify the source(s) of your disorganization and use the solutions below to put them into perspective.

The "Other" Person

There's nothing more frustrating than having your organizing efforts undermined or disregarded by someone you live or work with.
Solution: Whether it's your spouse, child, roommate, co-worker, or employer, appeal to their own priorities by finding out what the clutter is costing them—your spouse may hate being late for work everyday, your child may be frustrated by losing game pieces, your boss may be embarrassed in front of visiting clients. Design systems together so you both have ownership—and they'll be more motivated to put things away.

An Unrealistic Workload

Running a home, taking care of kids, helping your aging parents, and holding down a job are huge responsibilities. If you're trying jam 20 hours worth of tasks into a 10-hour day, it's going to be nearly impossible to stay organized. Who has time to clean up?
Solution: Track yourself for a week, noting everything you get done, as well as what you don't. Then take a hard look to see what tasks on your list are superfluous. If everything must get done, get help. Consider delegating tasks to other family members, or hiring an outside service.

Speed of Life/Technology

Technology has sped up the pace of life, allowing us to work faster, learn more, do more, and be reachable 24 hours a day. It's easy to get caught up in the frenzy of pursuing every opportunity, but perpetual motion will burn you out.
Solution: Apply the brakes from time to time, and be willing to say "no" occasionally. Just because emails and calls arrive instantaneously, doesn't mean you need to answer them immediately. Don't be afraid to turn off the ringer on your phone, or the message alert on your email, and slow down to keep your life in order and calm.

During Transitions and Life Changes

Each time we go through a major life change (getting married or divorced, moving, having a family, switching careers, starting a new business, going back to school,) we experience a breakdown of our organizational systems. It's inevitable—we are dealing with a new set of realities—and it takes time to process the information and to actually see what there is to organize.
Solution: Wait for things to settle a bit, so you have a clearer idea of your new priorities and needs, before setting up any new organizing systems.

Limited Space

Living or working in a tiny home or office with little storage space will challenge even the most organized person. If you are already down to just the essentials—and have utilized every square inch of space—you may have simply run out of room. Trying to store more things than is physically possible will only increase your frustration.
Solution: If the needs of your (growing) family or (changing) job have increased, it may be time to look for a bigger space. Until that's possible, use an off-site storage facility to hold off-season items, memorabilia, and other items you don't need to access daily.

Level 3: Psychological Obstacles

Hidden internal forces may be pulling you towards disorganization—no matter how much you crave control! You may be subconsciously sabotaging your organizing systems and holding yourself back. If you see yourself in the categories below, try one of the solutions to get started.

Need for Abundance

Did you grow up with scarce resources and feel like you never had "enough" (money, clothes, food, attention, or love)? If so, possessing large quantities of stuff now, as an adult, is probably comforting. It gives you a sense of fullness, comfort, and security while the idea of a spare, clutter-free environment makes you feel anxious and empty.
 Solution: Instead of fighting your personality and forcing yourself to throw things out—try celebrating the abundance by organizing everything you own. Once everything is accessible and orderly, it may be easier for you to see what's truly excess and part with items bit by bit. No matter what you'll have the chance to enjoy your belongings, instead of feeling lost under them.

Sentimental Attachment

Do you get so emotionally attached to objects, it's hard to get rid of anything—even if you don't use it anymore? When items symbolize a part of ourselves, a time in our lives, or people we knew, it can be tough to let go. Saving some items is fine, but if you save everything—you won't be able to enjoy any of it.
Solution: Limit how much you keep for sentimental reasons and hold on to only the most important 20 percent in each category: kid's artwork, old clothes, etc. Make letting go of the rest easier by giving it away to a friend or charity. Remember, you can still own all of the memories of your past without holding onto every physical reminder of it.

Conquistador of Chaos
Some people keep their lives or spaces disorganized because they love the thrill of coming to their own rescue and seeing their way through almost impossible situations. Often, people like this grew up under challenging circumstances and more so than anyone know how to handle a crisis. Actually capable of setting up wonderful organizing systems, they are always dismantling them and starting over-in search of an even better solution.
Solution: Instead of constantly rebuilding your organizing systems, direct your talents to a new challenge. Learn a language. Become a better parent. Get involved in your community. Put those expert-problem solving talents to better use than living in constant chaos!

Thriving On Distraction

Clutter can serve as a wonderful and convenient distraction from life's more complex challenges. In other words, as long as you have a closet to clean or a stack of papers to sort, you can avoid thinking about more perplexing problems.
Solution: If you are using clutter to distract yourself from bigger problems, search for a more direct way of coping with major stress. Reach out to a friend or professional who can help you sort out the real issues you're avoiding, and then you'll begin to enjoy your orderly home again.

Need for Retreat

If your disorganization gets so extreme that you won't let anyone into your home or office, or if you frequently turn down social invitations to spend all your time "organizing" and "re-organizing" your stuff, consider whether you are using clutter as a protective shield—a way of insulating yourself from the outside world. It can be okay to want some private space, but living in that chaos may increase your anxiety level.
Solution: Don't organize your whole space all at once. Go slowly. Start by creating one clutter-free room in which you keep nothing but items you use and love. If the experience feels good, create another room like that, then another. Remember, an organized work or living space is a much nicer "retreat" than a cluttered one.

The hardest part of organizing is maintaining your hard work. So try not to make it seem like work. Establish a regular time of day when you spend ten minutes straightening up, and get the whole family involved—create a "declutter playlist" and pump it while you all put away your things.

Source: Oprah.com




























http://static.oprah.com/2016/04/springcleaning-versioncorrected2-600px2.jpg

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Buy a house, sell a house

I bought a lovely cottage last November because my sister promised to rent out the rooms and take care of the house. I live here and the house is there so I couldn't really enjoy it. Still, as a ROI, it looked pretty good.
Now, after 8 frustrating months and only two guests, I've sold the house.
Doing business with family menbers isn't always successful!

Upsize Your Life Through Value Clarity


Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.

Values exist, whether you recognize them or not. Life can be much easier when you acknowledge your values – and when you make plans and decisions that honor them.

If you value family, but you have to work 70-hour weeks in your job, will you feel internal stress and conflict? And if you don't value competition, and you work in a highly competitive sales environment, are you likely to be satisfied with your job?

In these types of situations, understanding your values can really help. When you know your own values, you can use them to make decisions about how to live your life, and you can answer questions like these:
  • What job should I pursue?
  • Should I accept this promotion?
  • Should I start my own business?
  • Should I compromise, or be firm with my position?
  • Should I follow tradition, or travel down a new path?
So, take the time to understand the real priorities in your life, and you'll be able to determine the best direction for you and your

Women who jotted down their values (from religion to relationships to politics) then wrote about the one that was most important to them lost more weight, and had smaller waist circumferences and lower BMIs four months later than women who were also trying to downsize but didn't spend time focusing on their values. Thinking about what matters to us may help us feel more in control of our habits and better about ourselves overall, making it less likely that we'll reach for food when we need an emotional pick-me-up.

Defining Your Values

When you define your personal values, you discover what's truly important to you. A good way of starting to do this is to look back on your life – to identify when you felt really good, and really confident that you were making good choices.

Step 1: Identify the times when you were happiest

Find examples from both your career and personal life. This will ensure some balance in your answers.
  • What were you doing?
  • Were you with other people? Who?
  • What other factors contributed to your happiness?
  •  

Step 2: Identify the times when you were most proud

Use examples from your career and personal life.
  • Why were you proud?
  • Did other people share your pride? Who?
  • What other factors contributed to your feelings of pride?


Step 3: Identify the times when you were most fulfilled and satisfied

Again, use both work and personal examples.
  • What need or desire was fulfilled?
  • How and why did the experience give your life meaning?
  • What other factors contributed to your feelings of fulfillment?

Step 4: Determine your top values, based on your experiences of happiness, pride, and fulfillment
Why is each experience truly important and memorable? Use the following list of common personal values to help you get started – and aim for about 10 top values. (As you work through, you may find that some of these naturally combine. For instance, if you value philanthropy, community, and generosity, you might say that service to others is one of your top values.)

Accountability
Accuracy
Achievement
Adventurousness
Altruism
Ambition
Assertiveness
Balance
Being the best
Belonging
Boldness
Calmness
Carefulness
Challenge
Cheerfulness
Clear-mindedness
Commitment
Community
Compassion
Competitiveness
Consistency
Contentment
Continuous Improvement
Contribution
Control
Cooperation
Correctness
Courtesy
Creativity
Curiosity
Decisiveness
Democraticness
Dependability
Determination
Devoutness
Diligence
Discipline
Discretion
Diversity
Dynamism
Economy
Effectiveness
Efficiency
Elegance
Empathy
Enjoyment
Enthusiasm
Equality
Excellence
Excitement
Expertise
Exploration
Expressiveness
Fairness
Faith
Family-orientedness
Fidelity
Fitness
Fluency
Focus
Freedom
Fun
Generosity
Goodness
Grace
Growth
Happiness
Hard Work
Health
Helping Society
Holiness
Honesty
Honor
Humility
Independence
Ingenuity
Inner Harmony
Inquisitiveness
Insightfulness
Intelligence
Intellectual Status
Intuition
Joy
Justice
Leadership
Legacy
Love
Loyalty
Making a difference
Mastery
Merit
Obedience
Openness
Order
Originality
Patriotism
Perfection
Piety
Positivity
Practicality
Preparedness
Professionalism
Prudence
Quality-orientation
Reliability
Resourcefulness
Restraint
Results-oriented
Rigor
Security
Self-actualization
Self-control
Selflessness
Self-reliance
Sensitivity
Serenity
Service
Shrewdness
Simplicity
Soundness
Speed
Spontaneity
Stability
Strategic
Strength
Structure
Success
Support
Teamwork
Temperance
Thankfulness
Thoroughness
Thoughtfulness
Timeliness
Tolerance
Traditionalism
Trustworthiness
Truth-seeking
Understanding
Uniqueness
Unity
Usefulness
Vision
Vitality

Step 5: Prioritize your top values
This step is probably the most difficult, because you'll have to look deep inside yourself. It's also the most important step, because, when making a decision, you'll have to choose between solutions that may satisfy different values. This is when you must know which value is more important to you.
  • Write down your top values, not in any particular order.
  • Look at the first two values and ask yourself, "If I could satisfy only one of these, which would I choose?" It might help to visualize a situation in which you would have to make that choice. For example, if you compare the values of service and stability, imagine that you must decide whether to sell your house and move to another country to do valuable foreign aid work, or keep your house and volunteer to do charity work closer to home.
  • Keep working through the list, by comparing each value with each other value, until your list is in the correct order.

Step 6: Reaffirm your values
Check your top-priority values, and make sure they fit with your life and your vision for yourself.
  • Do these values make you feel good about yourself?
  • Are you proud of your top three values?
  • Would you be comfortable and proud to tell your values to people you respect and admire?
  • Do these values represent things you would support, even if your choice isn't popular, and it puts you in the minority?

When you consider your values in decision making, you can be sure to keep your sense of integrity and what you know is right, and approach decisions with confidence and clarity. You'll also know that what you're doing is best for your current and future happiness and satisfaction.

Some of life's decisions are really about determining what you value most. When many options seem reasonable, it's helpful and comforting to rely on your values – and use them as a strong guiding force to point you in the right direction.

Action Exercises
 
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action:
First, clarify your core beliefs and your unifying principles. Write them down and compare your life today with the values that are really important to you. How are you doing?

Second, organize your values in order of their importance to you. Which of your values is most important? Which is second? And so on. Do your current choices reflect this order of values?

Test your values by looking at the decisions they produce. This test will work in either real or imagined decision-making situations. Say you value independence, and you're considering moving in with your significant other. What sorts of options are available to you, given your value? If you value rest and spontaneity, but you work a job that requires 70-hour weeks, how will you avoid stress and internal conflict? In these types of situations, understanding your values can really help make creative decisions that reflect your own self-care.

Be aware that you will be able to see your value in action most powerfully while making a real decision. Sometimes we are so enamored with a particular value that we imagine it will always lead us to the best decisions when this is not necessarily the case.