Other People’s Stuff

Here I am in the kitchen of my newly acquired house. I don’t say NEW house because it is 90 years old! I’ve been here two days and, because my sister has broken her ankles falling down the stairs here and is in rehab, I am confronted completely alone with all the left-behind junk the former owners escaped from.

The former owners of the house just left everything in it – furniture, files, fully equipped kitchen and – junk.

There are boxes and boxes in the sub-basement – all empty! They take up the whole floor down there. There are shampoos, hair-growing products, conditioners, lotions, sun creams in the bathroom. The guy even left a briefcase and files.

Even though I think “too much crap”, I suspect anyone taking over my apartment in Germany would say the same. Now a guest has moved in and I am also confronted with her stuff! She has put junk on the dining room table, at the bottom of the steps, on the counter in the kitchen… There is even a kitschy Christmas arrangement she’s put in the living room that whistles when you walk by.

I want to keep this place uncluttered – at least the rooms downstairs. Everyone needs an uncluttered space as a haven in this cluttered world. I’m going to tell the lady that everything needs to be kept in her own room. She’ll have a great time with that as she’s staying about 4 to 6 months and could fill a whole flat with her crap!!

I’ve found that people who can’t keep their money together still amass great amounts of stuff. If they have money, they spend it and wonder that they’ve overdrawn at the end of the month. Now my sister wants to buy a new (second) vacuum, so we’ll have an upstairs and downstairs sweeper! She says she’ll keep it in her room. Yeah, right.

One really bright side though: my brother and sister-in-law came over from Texas and surprised me when they, completely unexpected, rang my front doorbell!! What a joy! The next day, they went over to the rehab center and surprised my sister, too. We had a wonderful time eating take-out Thai food and even my niece came over. I haven’t seen her since she was 12 and now she’s 44! What a hoot.

I still think this whole house-owning thing is vastly overrated. For me, a house with its insurances, property tax, utilities, rodent, termite and pest control, garden care, as well as repairs/improvements are a liability. And you’re scared the whole time that somebody could break in and steal your precious junk.

Well, help yourself! And take some boxes when you go…

The Puppy Attitude

When Life poos and pees on you, and you adore it anyway

Take a look at any puppy and what’s the first thing that comes into your mind or from your lips?

“Awww”.

Yes, puppies are adorable. Yet they poo and pee everywhere. They might even keep you up at night for the first few months. A bit like a newborn child.

Still, we don’t get upset with them, we patiently train them, accepting the tiny bloopers when they come as part of their development.

Secrets of centenarians

Living to be 100 years of age is still a rare event.

Among many factors associated with longevity, personality has been linked to health outcomes and longevity. Additionally, several studies have suggested that centenarians also share particular personality traits.

Centenarians have been reported to share personality traits including low neuroticism and high extraversion and conscientiousness. A study showed that two personality characteristics/domains, Positive Attitude Towards Life (PATL: optimism, easygoing, laughter, and introversion/outgoing) and Emotional Expression (EE: expressing emotions openly and not bottling up emotions) are .

What would happen to us and the world, if we had the same attitude as we do with a small puppy: Mistakes happen so we just clean up and keep on learning?

We would be so much more resilient.

Factors in Resilience

A combination of factors contributes to resilience. Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience.

Several additional factors are associated with resilience, including:

·       The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.

·       A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities.

·       Skills in communication and problem solving.

·       The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.

·        

All of these are factors that people can develop in themselves.

10 ways to build resilience

Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.

Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.

Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.

Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"

Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.

Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.

Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.

The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.

5 Steps to a Happy Life with Positive Attitude

 

Step 1: Believe Happiness is a Choice

People blame misfortune on all kinds of outside forces –- fate, experiences, parents, relationships –- but never really stop to think that they could choose to be happy.

Yes, this isn’t always easy, but it is always an option. When you find yourself in a bad situation, know that it’s up to you to find the good, to be happy regardless of what’s happening around you. You are in control of your happiness level and no one can take that away from you.

Step 2: Rid Your Life of Negativity

If you want to live a positive, joyful and happy life, you cannot –- absolutely CANNOT -– be surrounded by negative people who are not encouraging your happiness.

Stop doing certain things that are causing negativity in my life. Take a step back and examine which behaviors were good for you and which were not.

Learn to focus on the positive things you are doing and let go of the negative ones. This process is not easy and to be honest, it’s ongoing, but know this: having negativity in your life prevents you from living a truly positive existence.

You don’t have to be as radical as I am. I have no newspaper and I don’t watch the news. I have no TV so I can pick what I expose myself to. I like the TED talks to inform and motivate me. I read books on the latest research results in human development. I meditate. Yet I’m not a hermit. I change what I can and refuse myself to become fearful, although I’ve had a few bouts with fearfulness in the last years.

Step 3: Look For the Positive in Life

There is the positive aspect in everything. In every person, in every situation, there is something good. Most of the time it’s not all that obvious. We have to look. And sometimes we have to look hard.

Everything –- good and bad -– is a learning experience. So, at the very least, you can learn from bad experiences. However, there’s usually even more to it than that. If you really take the time to look, you will usually find something good, something really positive, about every person or situation.

Lots of times, what started out bad turns out to be a windfall in the end. Who woulda thought???

Step 4: Reinforce Positivity in Yourself

Reinforce positive thoughts and behaviors in yourself so they stick. As with any sort of training, practice makes perfect, and, yes, you can practice being positive.

The best and easiest way to do this is to be positive when it comes to who you are. Learn to appreciate yourself. Learn from mistakes but don’t dwell on them. Think of the puppy – this is a poo-and-pee moment to clean up.

Be honest with yourself, but do your best to look for the good. And, whatever you do, don’t focus on the negative. Nothing good can come of telling yourself that your butt’s too big or your latest career goal wasn’t met.

Remind yourself of the good in you. We all have positive attributes and it’s up to you to remind yourself of them every day.

Step 5: Share Happiness with Others

Not only do you need to be positive with yourself for this new positive attitude to really take effect, you also need to be positive with others. You have to share your wealth of positivity with the world.

The best way I’ve found to do this is quite simple and basic: be kind. Be nice to other people, no matter what. Tell someone he or she looks nice today. Tell someone they did a great job on that presentation. Tell your parents or children (or both!) how much you love them and how great they are.

When someone is feeling down, do what you can to cheer him or her up. Send flowers. Write notes. Don’t gossip. Be kind to all living things. All of these things sound basic enough, but, you’ll need to consciously think of them at first.

People appreciate positivity and, even though you not going to become a preacher on the subject, the more you are sharing it with others, the more you are practicing it and reinforcing it in your own life.

new home owner

Yes, I now own my own house. Too bad that it's there and I'm here. But I can plan to incorporate the home into my life starting next year. I might even move in by 2016.

I have always had a vision of a cute cottage in a place with a pleasant climate. I always thought I'd be too chicken to go through with it.

Guess not.

Make your dreams concrete with Dream Boards

During or after the Christmas Holidays, lots of us start formulating our New Year’s Resolutions. Why don’t you jump start a super future by creating a Dream Board?

To get started with how to make a Dream Board, you’ll need these supplies:

-- Poster board. I always use giant flipchart paper.

-- A big stack of different magazines. Make sure you find lots of different types. Or use your old ones and throw the rest away (downsize your stuff, remember?!).

-- Glue. Not Elmers. (It makes the pages ripple.) Rubber cement is perfect. Glue sticks don’t last.

Ask yourself what you want next year, what you want to do, have and whom you want to be with. I love doing this with soft music in the background and a nice glass of wine.

You can also leaf through the magazines with this question in mind.

Step 1: Go through your magazines and tear the images from them. No gluing yet! Just let yourself have lots of fun looking through magazines and pulling out pictures or words or headlines that strike your fancy. Have fun with it. Make a big pile of images and phrases and words.

Step 2: Go through the images and begin to lay your favorites on the board. Eliminate any images that no longer feel right. This step is where your intuition comes in. As you lay the pictures on the board, you’ll get a sense how the board should be laid out. For instance, you might assign a theme to certain parts of the board. Health, Career, Finances, Relationships, Self-Improvement, for instance. Or it may just be that the images want to go all over the place. Or you might want to fold the board into a book that tells a story.  People come up with amazingly creative ways to stage a vision board. It only needs to mean something to you!

Step 3: Glue everything onto the board. Add writing if you want. You can paint on it, cut out text or write words with markers.

Step 4: I like to put an attractive photo of myself in the very center of the vision board. You also could paste yourself in the center of your board.

Step 5: Hang your vision board in a place where you will see it often. This is important and, of course, inspiring. You could ask yourself questions like “What could I do now that would get me closer to these dreams?” or “Which of the themes interest me the most today?”

How to make a vision board if you’re not quite sure what you want:

Go through each magazine. Tear out images that delight you. Don’t ask why. Just keep going through the magazines. If it’s a picture of a teddy bear that makes you smile, then pull it out. If it’s a cottage in a misty countryside, then rip it out. Just have fun and be open to whatever calls to you. Then, as you go through Step 2 above, hold that same openness, but ask yourself what this picture might mean. What is it telling you about you? Does it mean you need to take more naps? Does it mean you want to get a dog, or stop hanging out with a particular person who drains you? You’ll probably know the answer. If you don’t, but you still love the image, then put it on your vision board anyway. It will have an answer for you soon enough.

You’ll have fun doing this with others, too. I have done this with participants of my seminars. It can point you in the right direction, the direction of your dreams.

Learning Flexibility the Humbling Way

So, it looks like I am buying a house. The first time by myself.

Well, not completely by myself. My sister has found this house in Florida and the price was right so I bought it. Well, I'm TRYING to buy it.

I live in Europe and the banks charge humongous fees for transferring money to America. There are open fees and many secret (hidden) fees.

So I looked for a method to send money over to America without paying thousands of euros to a bank. And I found TransferWise.


"The creation of TransferWise was inspired by the personal experiences of Taavet Hinrikus, Skype's  first employee, and financial consultant Kristo Käärmann. As Estonians working between their native country and the UK, they had personal experience of the "pain of international money transfer"^[5] due to bank charges on the amounts they needed to convert from euros to pounds and vice versa. In the words of Hinrikus, "I was losing five per cent of the money each time I moved it. At the same time my co-founder Kristo Käärmann (also from Estonia) was starting to get paid in the UK and was losing a lot of money transferring cash back home to pay for a mortgage there".^[6][7]
It inspired them to make a private arrangement, with Hinrikus – who was paid in euros – putting this currency directly into Käärmann's Estonian account so he could pay his mortgage without having to convert pounds to euros, while Käärmann returned the favour by putting pounds into Hinrkus' UK account.^[8] This arrangement led them to start developing a crowdsourced currency exchange service to offer a cheaper alternative to established institutions.^[9]


From the customer's point of view, money transfers with TransferWise are not essentially different from conventional money transfers: The customer chooses a recipient and a currency, the money to be transferred is taken from his or her account, the transferring company charges for the service, and some time later, the recipient receives the payment in the chosen currency.^[14]
The difference lies in how TransferWise routes the payment. Instead of transferring the sender's money directly to the recipient, it is redirected to the recipient of an equivalent transfer going in the opposite direction. Likewise, the recipient of the transfer receives a payment not from the sender initiating the transfer, but from the sender of the equivalent transfer. This process avoids costly currency conversion and transfers crossing borders.^[15]
In 2012, the company's charges were €1 or 0.5% (whichever is larger) an equivalent amount in the customer's currency.^[16] Conventional money transfer using British banks usually charge considerably higher fees, or require minimum transfer sums and give less competitive rates.^[17]"    Source: Wikipedia

Can I trust my money to Transferwise?

Security is paramount when it comes to money transfers. Transferwise is certified money service company founded in January 2011 in the UK. They have already earned reputation of reliable and honest financial service. There are thousands of people who trust them and using their services on the regular basis. 

How does it work?

International transfers are expensive but what if there were a way to avoid them? There are many people who have similar needs:

• Frontier workers need to send salaries to the country they live
• Expats may want to send money home
• People may need to pay someone (individual or company) who resides in another country

Turns out, their needs could be satisfied without actually sending money abroad. Money can be just exchanged between them. This requires a lot of cooperation and Transferwise is the one who takes the role of coordinator.

I needed to get some money over to the lawyers called Ernest Money. It's like a downpayment I learned. I wanted to do that fast to show I was trustworthy and used my bank. I paid 25€ for the "service" and 15€ to get the money there the next day. A week later, the money was still not there. I went to the bank asking for the 15€ fee to be reimbursed but got only snippy lip service from the teller.

I then tried to transfer the money to TransferWise's account in Munich. My online banking said no. I'm only allowed to transfer 1000€ per day. Not wanting to be doing this the rest of my life, I called the bank. This time, I was treated nicely and was able to have my limit lifted to 100,000€ per day (Hey! I'm buying a HOUSE here!) After a successful transfer on Friday, I tried to transfer the rest of the money on Saturday. No go on that so I'm stuck until Monday.

And all this time the people in America are waiting to close the house. And my sister is nagging me to death because she gets to live there.

No, I'm not stressed. OOOOOOOHHHHHHMMMMM....

The Magic Space Between Daily Events

The breathing space between the things you do is just as important as the things you do.

Pushing the “Pause Button” occasionally for a brief moment to halt hectic and busyness can pave the way to calmness by capturing precious time and mindfulness.  Pausing can also provide you with a break in the habitual action, so you can become aware of “wrong turns” and so, begin again in a new direction when needed. 

It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with hustle and bustle.  Sometimes you need to leave space to just “be”.

Set aside a little space between every one of your commitments.  Take a break to breathe and calm your mind, take a short walk outside, drink a glass of water, or perhaps do some simple deep stretching exercises.  Appreciate the momentary freedom, and just be.

And remember that this kind of change doesn’t happen all at once.  It happens just one small step at a time.  When it comes to making changes, less is more.

Do you have mile-long to-do lists?  It’s unrealistic to want to accomplish 100 tasks a day, so pare down and compel yourself to make a daily list of no more than 4 core tasks. This means, you must be aware of the highest priorities. You will begin to feel empowered rather than overwhelmed since you DAILY do the most important things.  Just take everything in small, manageable steps. (Don’t even fantasize that you can get everything done!)

Remember the almost forgotten art of leaving tasks/events undone. Eliminate the non-essentials and stop over-committing. Learn to say no. The emotion you get from doing your important tasks is far better and less stressful than the feeling you get from sitting around thinking you should be doing it.

Take care of your future-self today

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise so I am changing myself. –Rumi-

You are a work in progress

Most people underestimate how much they change as life goes on.

Dan Gilbert, in many studies, has found out that people would pay on the average $129 to see their favorite music group. Asked if that would be the same in 10 years, they said yes. Yet, when asked how much they’d pay to see their favorite group of 10 years previously, they offered only about $80.

I’m always amazed when people declare themselves unchangeable. “I am what I am. Can’t change that.”

Well, thank goodness we can and do change. Some of us work really hard to become the future selves we envision today. Getting “better” can be a difficult job but can be infinitely satisfying at the same time. I have never talked to a single ex-smoker who was grumpy that he succeeded in stopping! Or to a person on the verge of diabetes who was sorry to have lost weight.

The fight between the present-self and the future-self

If you set goals for yourself and you're like a lot of other people, you probably realize it's not that your goals are physically impossible that's keeping you from achieving them, it's that you lack the self-discipline to stick to them. It's physically possible to lose weight. It's physically possible to exercise more. But resisting temptation is hard.

It seems that only few people have a good contact to their future-self and are committed to doing what is neccessary now to ensure the well-being of their future-self. You are connected to, and legally tied to, this future-self.

The new virtual reality uses software to “age” a subject based on a current picture. Seeing this picture helps the subject build up a relationship with the older version of himself. Behavioral Economist Daniel Goldstein is working on a cool commitment device that ages people’s faces to show what they’ll look like decades later. The fancy version shows the future self going from frown to smile when the present self saves more. (Meanwhile, the present self goes from smile to frown.)

How about the topic of saving? Saving is a classic two selves problem. The present self does not want to save at all. It wants to consume and I was a terrific example of this. Whereas the future self wants the present self to save.

We look at the savings rate and it has been declining since the 1950s. At the same time, the Retirement Risk Index, the chance of not being able to meet your needs in retirement, has been increasing. And we're at a situation now where for every three baby boomers, the McKinsey Global Institute predicts that two will not be able to meet their needs while they're in retirement.

The Behavioral Time Machine, currently in development, seeks to bolster savings rates by connecting individuals with their future selves. Using age-progression software, this tool allows people to see images of themselves 30 years in the future and has been proven in studies to be effective at increasing savings rates.

Showing people what type of apartment they can afford at different levels of retirement savings really helps. People are shown what particular apartments that they can afford if they're retiring on 3,000, 2,500, 2,000 dollars per month and so on. As they move down the ladder of apartments, the subjects see that the living quarters get worse and worse. And as they get to the very bottom, they're faced with the unfortunate reality that if they don't save anything/enough for retirement, they won't be able to afford any housing at all. At a certain rate of retirement savings, the subjects see an attractive living environment. The worst-case scenario is a tent on the street.

The Behavioral time machine is important because it give us an image of our future selves. Because most of us can’t really imagine our future-selves, let alone take care of him/her in the “now”.

Who is going to stick up for your future-self?

At any given moment, you have the power to say: “This is not how the story is going to end”. 

– C.Miller – 

Getting Back On Track

Does it ever happen to you? You get your good habits and positive rituals established and, at sometime during the year, you get off the constructive path?

I was sick for a few weeks, including the first week of vacation in Florence. I came back to a flood of tasks and appointments. So, for quite a time, I got off my morning “water, meditation, yoga, TED-talk” routine. Because of that, my good old muscles have shortened again, I run around a bit dehydrated and my center is askew. Goodness!

Now, this morning, I fought all the distractions my mind shoves into my little head and started my routine again. My thoughts kept reminding me that I have this-and-that to get done before now-and-then. My deal with myself to take on only one of my lost routines at a time was put to an exhausting test.

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Getting back on track, little by little. My wee post-it notes help remind me.

Watch this space…

P.S. TaDAA! I did my duolingo.com last evening and I haven't forgotten my Italian yet. And I just finished my morning ritual again. Step by Step, getting back on track.