FRUSTRATION
HAPPENS.
Every morning, noon, and night there are plenty of good reasons to be
impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast
enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. The car in front of you is
driving too slowly. The line at McDonalds is long and the lady at the cash
register is slow. Rejection. Disappointment. How are you going to come to grips with it
all?
You can drive yourself wild, behave angrily, feel ill-treated, or try to force
your will upon others -- all self-defeating reactions that alienate people and bring out the
worst in them.
Or, you can learn to transform frustration with patience.
Impatience
is a central component of impulsiveness. Impatient behavior relates on
decision-making tasks to changes in connectivity within the brain’s
frontostriatal circuitry. Study results suggest that impatience can result from (i)
disregard of future outcomes and/or (ii)
oversensitivity to immediate rewards, but it is not known which of these
evaluative processes underlie developmental changes. That is, impatient people
are less aware of how their present behavior influences the future, especially in younger people.
Impatience
is a feeling of agitation and intolerance triggered when your needs aren’t met;
it’s tied to an inability to delay gratification. We’ve become accustomed to
immediate results. Emails beam across the globe in seconds. Moms text messages
to their kids to come in for dinner instead of calling from the front door. You
can get the temperature in Bangkok or the Maui surf report with a swipe of the
finger. Despite the digital age’s wonders, it has propagated an attitude with
low tolerance for aggravation --not just when you accidentally delete a
computer file, but in terms of how you approach relationships with others and with yourself.
Without patience, you turn into your own (and others) worst taskmaster.
Patience
doesn’t make you a doormat or unable to set boundaries with people. Rather, it
lets you discern the situation to get a larger, more calm view to determine
appropriate action.
Emotional Action Step: Self-Awareness
Try to practice self-awareness in those moments
where you feel the greatest need for patience.
- Pay attention to what arises in you
- Notice where you feel the stress
- Listen to your thoughts
- Take note of your emotions
- Which need is not being met at this time?
Emotional Action
Step: Practice Patience In A Long Line
To turn the tables on impatience, find a
long, slow-moving line to wait in. It might even “find” you! Perhaps in the
grocery store, bank, post office, on the highway to work. Here’s the key:
Instead of getting irritated or pushy, which taxes your system with a rush of
stress hormones, take a breath. Breathe out slowly. Repeat. Tell yourself, “I’m going
to wait calmly and enjoy the break.” Meanwhile, try to empathize with the
overwrought cashier or sluggish employee. Smile and say a few nice words to the
harried people in line. Use the time to daydream; take a vacation from work or
other obligations. Notice the stress release you feel, how your body relaxes.
Lines are an excellent strengthening ground for patience. To reinforce this
asset, remain standing in as much as possible.
Practicing patience will help you
dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment
and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not behave rashly out of impatience,
all areas of your life will improve. Patience is really more of a skill—one
that can be learned yet needs constant nurturing.
Regardless
of what other people do or think, you have a choice in how you allow it to
affect you. Your mind may leap to negative perceptions and reactions, your body
may almost certainly register a response, but you are the source of it all.
Ultimately you can tap into your stillness, your special peace.
Om...
